Ramblings of a College Senior

“I have almost as many drafts than I do actual published posts.” I think to myself as I open a new post.

I’m currently laying in my floor contemplating life because I have no idea what I’m doing with it. Raise your hand if you relate. Anybody? I hope there’s somebody.

You see, I should probably take the GRE if I want to go to grad school. But do I even want to go to grad school? That’s a great question that I think the answer to is yes. Strictly because I like to learn and want to know more. So maybe a better question is do I NEED to go to grad school? Also a great question, but I have no idea about the answer to that one. Why? You might be wondering. Because I don’t know what I want to do with my degree. See my dilemma? I have some vague ideas, but nothing too concrete. Is this normal? Shouldn’t I know that by now? I have TWO semesters left of my undergrad. Oh goodness.

So back to the GRE… Should I take it and hope that I didn’t waste money on it by not going to grad school in the next five years? And should I be studying for this test? Or figuring out where to apply for grad school? Dang. I hate being an adult.

I want to stay in undergrad forever. Can I do that?

Help me, Lord Jesus, because I have no idea what I’m doing.

I do this thing where I just wait until decisions pass by so I don’t have to actually make the decision. You know, I’m THAT person that just sits back and watches everyone else debate about where to eat until they finally make the decision, and I didn’t have to do anything. That’s probably not a good idea in the case of my life…

My current thought process is taking a year off after I graduate, getting a job with my bachelor’s degree then going back for my masters. This will give me time to take the GRE, apply to schools and all that stuff without stressing about all of it on top of my classes this year. But I don’t actually know if that’s a good idea or if that’s what I want to do. It changes daily hence why I said current thought process.

Excuse me, I’m going to go puke then ask for some professional advice (from people who have gone through this, not like a therapist which I probably need too if we’re being honest).

Really though, I’ve been praying about this for a good long while, and I’m pretty sure God’s like “We’re working on your patience, Mikayla. Calm down.” And I’m just like “Oh. I’ll just be laying in the floor some more.”

It’s actually really annoying how anxious I am about this. Is this why people do drugs? Have I mentioned that I don’t like adulthood? Let’s go back to like elementary school. Yeah, I’d be cool with that.

I’m just going to go now. If you get a message from me sometime soon freaking out about life, I’m just going to go ahead and apologize.

Seriously though, why do people want to graduate early? I’d kill for an extra semester or two to figure my life out. Maybe I should fail my classes next semester on purpose… What am I saying right now? Bye for real this time.



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