Your Words Matter.

I’m not sure how to say this without it sounding like a rant. Because I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated by the ridiculously large number of people who have discredited my opinion based on my age. By my lack of experience, supposed naivete, youth, whatever. Like my college degree doesn’t matter. Like my personal life experience thus far doesn’t matter. Like my opinions and beliefs don’t matter.

Hey, I don’t care how old you are or what stage of life you’re in. Your voice matters. Your experiences matter.

I hate being told that my educators brainwashed me like I’m unable to make my own decisions on what I do and don’t believe. I hate when people assume that I don’t know what I’m talking about. That I’m just spouting off useless information that I mindlessly agreed was fact.

No. I have spent time researching and forming my own opinions. I continue to learn and shape my beliefs now, after I’ve graduated. No one forced me into this. I chose my major. I chose my classes. I chose which side to take (and my teachers almost always offered all sides).

I try to make sure every single one of my beliefs are based firstly, off the Bible and secondly, reliable research. I’m not an idiot.

I know what I’m talking about, and I’m tired of people telling me I don’t. Yes, sometimes I’m wrong. Sometimes I don’t know everything about a topic. Sometimes I get lost and confused. Sometimes I change my mind.

But some things I know a lot about and when people (who haven’t studied what I have) tell me I don’t, it makes me angry. Actually, it makes me sad. I just want to shout “HELLO. I HAVE A DEGREE IN THIS. I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. WHY WILL YOU NOT LISTEN? CAN YOU EVEN HEAR ME?” I feel invisible.

Because most of the time, it feels like whoever I’m talking to doesn’t even want to listen. They just sit in their own mindset refusing to just listen to a different side. I’m not trying to convince you or force you over to my side. It’s not red rover. I just want you to hear me out. Listen. Just count my side as valid. Instead of counting it out before I even speak. It’s more like the telephone game.

I feel like the older generations think millennials are clueless and dumb and out partying and protesting and have no idea what the “real world” is like. But I wish they’d see what I see. Millennials are wise and passionate and strong and brave and powerful. We know what we’re doing (as often as they do, anyway). They just refuse to listen or look or pay attention. Yes, we’ll love to learn from them. But they can also learn from us. We can all learn from each other. Let’s sit around a bonfire together.

If you’re reading this… even if you can’t read it, your words are important. I spent so much of my life not speaking the words that I wanted to say. Out of anxiety and fear. I still do it all. the. time. But we have to remember, our words matter. Even if no one listens. Even if no one cares. Even if no one agrees. They matter. You matter. Regardless of what your beliefs are.

So listen. and speak (in whatever language you want). and learn. and keep pushing forward. keep advocating. keep writing. because it matters. it all matters.

Make your voice be heard.

Trust me, someone sees you. I see you. God sees you.

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

Side thought: Maybe we protest so much because others refuse to listen during actual civilized conversation and we long for our voice to be heard somehow.

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recent reads, all time favorites and to reads

In middle school, the first books that got me into reading were the Twilight series and the Christy Miller series (which turned into the love of ALL books by Robin Jones Gunn- she’s still my all time favorite author and Christy and Todd are actual couple goals). Throughout middle and high school, I was very into fiction books. Nicholas Sparks, Sarah Dessen, the Divergent series, the Hunger Games series and many other stories along the way… you get the drift. (And I’m very embarrassed to admit that I’ve never read the Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter books… what is wrong with me, really?) But lately I have been on a nonfiction kick. So, I wanted to share with you some of the books I’ve read as well as some that are on my to-read list that I already know will be amazing.

First up, my current read:

Executing Grace by Shane Claiborne
I’ve been wanting to read a book by Shane for a while now and when I found out about this one, I knew it was one that I had to read. I’m only two chapters in right now, but it has already challenged me in how I think about the death penalty. I know many people will automatically turn away from this book especially if they are pro-death penalty because Shane is making the argument against it. But he writes it in a way that appeals to all audiences. For a long time, he was for the death penalty and he recounts what made his opinion change while having compassion and understanding for those who are for it. He also doesn’t leave a subject or role in executions untouched. He covers it all, has real-life examples and stories and Jesus is laced throughout the entire book. I’m very excited to finish reading it, and I highly recommend it!

Current devotional:

Savor by Shauna Niequist
I received this as a gift at Christmas and was very excited to get a devotional. I’ve admittedly been struggling in the quiet time department and was thankful to receive something that could be a guide for me during that time. Since it’s a daily devotional, I decided to start it on January 1st. Again, I’ll admit I’ve gotten a few weeks behind on it recently. But I’m hoping to get back into it. So far, I really enjoy reading what Shauna has to say. It’s not the deepest writing ever, but it’s a good pick-me-up during the day.

Next up, my recent favorites:

Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson
This book, y’all. I think this book is a new all time favorite. It’s a book that I could 100% see myself reading again (and I don’t re-read books often) and a book I could post a quote from every day. Bryan is one of my favorite people. My first exposure to him was a TED talk by him that I watched in one of my classes. Let’s just say that I’ve now seen that TED talk probably ten times. Bryan is a lawyer and the founder of the Equal Justice Initiative. He’s been on the front lines of the injustices within the criminal justice system for years and has been an advocate and warrior in fighting to correct those injustices. This book is full of heartbreaking as well as celebratory stories that he experienced first-hand. Before reading this book, I would have considered myself fairly knowledgeable of the injustices within the CJ system but I learned so much from this book and I know I’d learn even more if I read it again. There were stories that almost brought me to tears, stories that made me full of anger at the injustices, but the book was also full of grace and mercy and redemption and it is beautiful. It is a beautiful book and you should read it.

Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey
Sarah Bessey has been one of my favorite social media presents for a little while now. So when I got this book, I was excited to dig into her actual work. Jesus Feminist probably sounds scary to some people (oh no, the F-word!), but I think this is a book for everyone (male or female). Even if you don’t think you consider yourself a feminist, Sarah does an excellent job of redefining the word in a Biblical context. She quite literally revisits the role of women in the church, and it was very inspiring to me. Sarah’s voice and writing is stunning. She is extremely knowledgeable of the gospel, and it’s obvious that she has done her research. Again, I’d recommend this book in a heartbeat. I’m looking forward to reading her new book, Out of Sorts, when my to-read list gets a little less long.

Books I’ve started but not quite finished:

America’s Original Sin by Jim Wallis
Jim is the founder of Sojourners, a faith-based online news outlet (of sorts). I stumbled across Sojourners a while ago and instantly fell in love with their mission. Their articles are some of my favorites to read. Currently, one of my good friends is interning for them and I was given this book by her before she left. I got about a third of the way through before I (temporarily) abandoned it and moved on to something else. It wasn’t at all because I didn’t love it. Jim has amazing and knowledgeable input on racism, and this book is most definitely an important and necessary read. For some reason, I just had to take a break from it, though. I think the writing was just a little too long and hard for me at the time I was reading it. But eventually, I look forward to finishing it up. I would definitely recommend that everyone check out Sojourners as well as this book.

Faith Unraveled by Rachel Held Evans
I started this book, but then I think I got another book that I really, really wanted to read so I put this one down and picked that one up. Rachel is another one of my favorite people on social media, and I’ve been wanting to read one of her books for a while. This was the first one I found (and also her first book I think) so I got it. I only got a few pages in before I moved to the other book, but I have a feeling that I’m going to like it. I don’t agree with every single thing that Rachel believes, but I enjoy learning more about her viewpoint so I’m excited to dig deeper into her faith journey. I’m also looking forward to eventually reading her other books as well.

Finally, my to-read list:

The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander
This book is currently sitting on my bookshelf. It scares me slightly because it looks like a textbook, but I am so excited to read it. I read a couple of chapters in one of my classes so I already know that it’s amazing. I just have to motivate myself to read the entire thing. Michelle is a law professor and an outstanding woman. She is so knowledgeable on mass incarceration, the criminal justice system and race, and all of that knowledge is revealed in this book. It’s not an easy or comfortable book to read. I know it will be challenging and uncomfortable to me, but I would easily consider this book the most important book on this list (and it’s one of the ones I haven’t read…). Like all of these books, I would highly recommend this one.

Tattoos on the Heart by Gregory Boyle
I also received this book as a Christmas present. The only thing I really know about it is that a friend posted a quote from it, I fell in love, and I wanted to read it. Gregory is the founder of Homeboy Industries, a gang-intervention program in Los Angeles. The book tells stories from his time working with the individuals in the program. In the about section on the back of the book, it says ” Tattoos on the Heart reminds us that no life is less valuable than another.” So basically, I know I’m going to love it.

For the Love by Jen Hatmaker
Jen is another one of my favorite people to follow on social media. So again, I wanted to read her books. This is just the book that’s currently sitting on my bookshelf. But I’m looking forward to reading any or all of her books. She’s hilarious but also graceful and profound. When I finally decide to read something lighter, I’m going straight to this one.

 

And that’s everything (for now)! Let me know in the comments if you’ve ever read any of these books and what you think of them if you have. Are there any you’re going to the bookstore to pick up right now? I want to know that too. Also, feel free to leave me suggestions on what I should read next. I always welcome a longer to-read list and a messier bookshelf.

To the soon-to-be College Graduate

Dear almost college graduates,

Congrats on your upcoming graduation! In the words of Elle Woods, we did it! Well you did it, I did it last May. But anyway, if you’re graduating in December, you’re so close! Push through, you can do it! If your time isn’t until May, savor this time. It’ll sneak up on you really quick even though it feels far away. You can do it too!

Being six months out of college, I thought I would share with you some post-graduation wisdom. But first, can I be honest with you? The most common phrases I’ve used to describe this time after college are “I hate it.” “It’s terrible.” “It’s hard.” and “I would not recommend.” But don’t let that scare you. Because I’m positive that it’s easier and better for some people than it has been for me. Some people use completely different descriptors. And I’ve seen their beautiful and well-earned success. However, I also know that I am not alone in my struggles because I’ve talked to others in similar situations as me. The problem is that no one warned us (or me at least) that graduating could be horrible and that you may or may not have a quarter-life crisis. So because of that, I’m going to pass along some things I’ve learned as well as some encouragement so that you don’t have the shock that I experienced.

I’d like to start by saying that college, for me, was the most beautiful time in my life thus far. I plan to go back to get my master’s because it was so beautiful. The learning, community and opportunities available are simply incredible, and I am beyond thankful for those four years. It was quite literally the best time of my life. So I would challenge you not to take your time in college for granted. Don’t waste one minute of it. If you’ve got one month left or four years left, live every moment to its fullest. Be present and active. And try not to regret anything once it’s over.

My six months post-graduation have been full of job searching, resumes, cover letters, applications, emails, phone calls, interviews and ultimately lots of rejection letters, emails and phone calls. I’d like to say I’m a pro at those things now, but apparently I’m not since I’ve turned down one job (very early on in my search… I’m regretting that now, to be honest) in my probably in the twenties or more worth of applications and interviews. Your six months post-graduation may look very similar to this or it may look nothing like it. But either way, never give up. And you should probably start searching early.

During this time, I am trying to completely trust the Lord because it’s all I really can do. It is so dang hard, though. But I refuse to allow myself to get discouraged. I will say that this season has been full of thoughts of uncertainty, anger, sadness, confusion and doubt. I have second-guessed my major and career choices, my own hire-ability and my lack of experience. I have even wondered if I’ll be single, unemployed and living with my parents for the rest of my life. And you may experience these thoughts too. But remember that He is still good. He is always good. And because I know that, I know that there is something good coming. His plan will play out exactly how it should. I just wish it wasn’t taking so long. I may be impatient, but I take peace in knowing that He is always faithful.

I want you to know, that you are good enough. Maybe graduating will be nothing like you expected. Maybe you won’t get a job as quickly as you wanted. Maybe you’ll have to compromise what you are looking for. Maybe it’ll be lonely and boring and maybe you’ll hate it all. But it will all work out, and you are good enough. You won’t always feel good enough, but you are because you are an image bearer of God with a unique and important purpose. Don’t forget that.

Stay optimistic and find the positives. There is good in the rejection. There is good in the phone call you never got. There is good in the email that wasn’t responded to. There is good. You just have to find it.

Also, always obey the Lord and where He is calling you and follow Him with every ounce in you. You will be okay if you do that.

I’ve officially deemed myself a stay-at-home dog mom for the time being. And while that’s not even close to where I saw myself at this exact moment, it’ll do for now. Because that’s exactly where I am supposed to be.

Before I end, I want to talk about community for a bit. Because when you graduate, you instantly lose the immediate, easy and convenient community of friends that you had. And let me tell you, it takes hard work to maintain friendships and to create new ones. But it is so worth it.

You have to put effort in, though. Put effort into seeing and communicating with the friends you hold dear. It may be impossible to keep in touch with every single person you saw on a daily basis so make sure you’re being intentional with your closest and best friends. But YOU put in the effort. Don’t wait for them to reach out to you. You also have to seek out ways to build a new community. Whether that be work, a small group, church, volunteering somewhere… Find a community. You will feel so lonely if you don’t seek out ways to get involved. So do it.

Stay positive. Work hard. Show kindness. Do good. Be brave. Find confidence. Stay patient. Trust the Lord.

I wish you the best of luck on your future endeavors. I sincerely hope your post-graduation life is a little better than mine has been, but if it’s not, know that you are not alone and that everything will eventually be okay even if it doesn’t seem like it.

In the meantime if anyone knows of a way to send my resume and a “please hire me” note to every nonprofit in East Tennessee, I’d love to know it.

Love y’all,
Mikayla

Additional note: I was too lazy to figure out where to fit this in, but I read a She Reads Truth devotional after finishing this post and it ended with “Don’t waste your waiting. Your story is much bigger than the ending.” The entire devotional was ridiculously relatable to me in this job hunting season, but that quote jumped out at me. Because I’ve been wasting my waiting. I find myself so often doing nothing productive and just waiting around for something to happen. But nothing happens when you’re doing nothing. And that’s not how I should be using this blessing of free time. So a reminder to me and you in your season of waiting whatever it may be, don’t waste it. Do something good with it. It’s an opportunity to make a difference in your life and other people’s lives. It’s an opportunity to read and gain more knowledge. To write or volunteer or advocate or clean your house or workout or explore or learn something new or spend time with the people you love. It’s a time to spend time with God. It’s even a time to cuddle your dogs and catch up on Netflix shows. Just do whatever God has called you to do in that moment and work hard at whatever it is. Also, read that She Reads Truth.

I am not alone.

I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me

These words spoke truth into me this morning at church. Don’t you love how God always knows what you need to hear?

I can pretend all I want that this has been an easy August, but the truth is post-college depression is all too real apparently. (I googled it… it’s a common problem)

Instead of focusing on the beautiful, wonderful and amazing things that happen.
I’ve fallen into focusing on the negative.

I’m jobless. Because finding a job is hard and rejection letters just keep on coming.
I’m lonely. Because most of my friends either don’t live here anymore or are still in school.
I’m bored. Because the only thing I have to do is sit at home with my puppies.
I’m pretty sure I’ve gained weight. Because I don’t walk up hills all day anymore.

But you know, the next song we sang at church was Lead Me to the Cross. And it always gets me. Every. Time. Rid me of myself, I belong to You.

If I really did that, got on my knees, laid me down, got rid of myself, the negatives wouldn’t bother me.

Because I wouldn’t believe those lies that I’ve been telling myself.
I’d trust in His plan.
I’d know that I belong to Him.
I wouldn’t define myself by what society calls successful, meaningful and purposeful.
I wouldn’t define myself by how many friends I have.
I’d identify myself by Christ alone.
I’d know that I am never alone.
I’d spend my time more wisely and with Him.

And that’s what I strive for because life is so much better when I don’t let myself get in the way of the joy found in Christ.

I got a postcard in the mail today from a dear friend. On the front was a picture of a piece from the British Museum. It was a chair made out of guns. On the back, she wrote “What man intends for evil, God does for good!”

And I could write an entire post about that in a completely different context, but here I will say… what I see as terrible is good in God’s eyes. This season is good because He is good, not bad because it’s not what my plan was.

After Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery, Joseph found the heart to say “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Genesis 50:20).

That’s amazing. Humanly, he should have been angry. He should have hated his brothers, but instead he realized that God used that season of awful for good. I think that’s exactly what God is teaching me now. It may not be physical harm or violence like Joseph. It’s definitely not the most terrible thing to ever happen. It’s simply a storm that I wish would pass. But I keep reminding myself how truly blessed I am. There’s so much to be thankful for. And this season, will be used for good. It will be used to fulfill His holy plan. It will teach me and grow me and help me trust Him more. I know there is good here because God is here.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” -Romans 8:28

“Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer.” -Ruth 4:14

My prayer today is… Lord, let me become more aware of your presence. Thank you for never leaving or forsaking me. Thank you for loving me so well. Thank you for grace in my failures. Thank you for your perfect plan. You are so good. You are faithful. And you are sovereign. Help me remember that. Help me love you better. Amen.

Heaven.

I hear a lot of fellow Christians on the subject of Heaven talking about the rewards that we will receive. About how we’ll get all of these fancy crowns and mansions. There will be glorious streets of gold. It’ll all be so amazing and like nothing we’ve ever seen before.

But honestly, I don’t get why that’s so often the focus.

Yes, those things are wonderful and sure I guess I’m pumped for it because we all know I’m not going to see those things in my lifetime here.

But in Heaven we’re going to be in the presence, the actual presence, of our Lord and Savior.

I don’t think I’m going to care if I have a crown or a mansion. I won’t care that I’m walking on streets of gold.

Because I’ll be able to worship Him perfectly forever and ever. I’ll be able to sit at His actual feet and praise everything that He has done. I’ll be able to walk by His side for eternity. Isn’t that a thousand times more beautiful and incredible than riches?

Our human minds always go straight to the riches of Heaven, but that’s not even important. We will be with God!

Admittedly, I’m not really one to want to hurry my residence in Heaven along because there’s so much more that I want to do here. But when I started thinking about it like the presence of God rather than a place with lots of riches, it became something that I can actually look forward to. The fancy and gold part of Heaven has never really been what attracts me to it. It’s just Jesus that does.

No more pain, tears, heartache, injustice, anxiety, fear, hatred, depression… so that we can just continuously joyously worship our Father with our Father without those things as distractions. Wow.

There’s also this hope that I can look forward to a place where everyone is unified. There will be a unified and peaceful body of people, with different genders, races, languages, classes, educations, interests, country of origins, backgrounds and sins, together worshiping our commonality… God. It’s so beautiful to me. We live on an earth with so many arguments and wars and conflicts and disagreements, and Heaven won’t have that. We will finally look past our differences and live together peacefully. I literally can’t wait for that.

But I also think we often get caught up in “Lord, come quickly” because we’re tired of living in this evil, messed up world and want that peace. I know I’ve definitely thought that a few times in the past few weeks alone. But I think we have to start  remembering the people, so many people, who have never heard Jesus’s name. They don’t know about His love, grace, mercy, kindness, courage, and forgiveness. They haven’t heard of His incredible act on the cross. They don’t know, and we should have compassion for them because Heaven is going to be so great.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve asked the Lord to go ahead and come just because I know I’m going to fail a test the next day. But in the grand scheme of things, that is selfish. He can go ahead and come because I know I’ll be in Heaven with Him when He does. But what about the people who haven’t heard? We should love the world enough to pray that each person knows Him before they leave this earth. And I know God will come back whenever He wants regardless of what we want or pray or hope. But we should want to see every single person in Heaven with us.

So even wishing for just ourselves to be in Heaven with Him before His timing is selfish. We are still here, living and breathing, because He is using us here to spread the gospel. Embrace that. Yes, look forward to Heaven and think of it as often as you get discouraged by this world. It’s encouraging to know where our home is. But don’t waste your time here wishing you were there. You are being used with every breath for a higher purpose and calling and it’s important. Don’t waste it.

Ultimately, it should break our hearts every time someone dies without knowing Him. Even if they were the worst person on the planet. Even if we think they somehow deserved death.

It should break our hearts.

I guess there’s two actions to do from here that I want to challenge all of us to do:

1. Tell others about Jesus through words and also actions. Not for an extra reward in Heaven but because your heart is broken. And not just the comfortable or the easy or the ones you think deserve Jesus, but the ones that you know you’re the exact opposite from. The ones you know will be hard. The ones you know will take work. And do it with love. Love that person like Jesus so that they see Jesus before you even speak His name.
2. And try your absolute hardest to make this world as close to Heaven as possible. Yes, it will never happen. This world will never be perfect. Sin messed that up. But we can advocate for justice and mercy and peace and love and hope and joy and unity. We can make this world better and we should. We shouldn’t complacently sit around while terrible things happen because we know it will never compare to Heaven. We shouldn’t walk by the broken man on the side of the road. This is our home for the time being so we should always strive to make it better, more like Jesus. Be healers and peacemakers and bridge builders and lovers and uniters and joy bringers. Because Jesus himself prayed… “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:10) And that should be our prayer too.
   

I imagine Heaven will be exactly like those moments of beautiful and intimate impromptu circles of friends in the middle of the parking lot singing songs of praise to the Lord in sweet fellowship. And it will be just as perfect as those moments. And those moments give me hope that snippets of Heaven can happen on earth too.

He is Good.

God’s plan is always good. That’s something that I am trying to remember  lately.

Even when,

Christina Grimmie was shot and killed at her concert last night.

There’s going to be a Trump vs. Clinton election this year.

I just turned down the only job offer I’ve gotten.

My pups can sit on command, but they still pee in the house.

There’s way too much poverty, violence, war, oppression and hate in the world.

There are so many “Lord, help me” prayers going on right now.

Really, I don’t understand His plan at all. But I know that it is good because He is good.

He is so, so good.

And maybe we don’t see His goodness in the mundane, horrible and unexpected things.
I know I don’t always.

But we see His goodness in His love, mercy and grace. In His death on the cross to save us from darkness. In His provision. In His blessings. In His creation. In His word. In His people.

And I am thankful for that. Oh so thankful.

It is easy to see His goodness in the good and lovely moments. It isn’t in the not so good moments, but we have to see it in those moments too because His goodness is unchanging. His goodness is always holy no matter what is happening.

Trusting the Lord and His timing and plan is hard and not something I’m good at. I’m not going to pretend that I am sitting here not worried about life. Because I am. But because I know that He is good, I am trying so hard to trust Him.

So trust Him no matter how difficult it is. Trust Him no matter how confused you are. Trust Him even if you think He’s wrong and your plan is better. Trust Him.

This song is always on my heart, but especially today…

“Let the King of my heart
be the mountain where I run
The Fountain I drink from
Oh He is my Song
Let the King of my heart
be the shadow where I hide
the ransom for my life
Oh He is my Song

You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh

Let the King of my heart
be the wind inside my sails
The anchor in the waves
Oh He is my Song
Let the King of my heart
be the fire inside my veins
the echo of my days
Oh He is my Song

You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh

You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down”

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! (Psalm 107:1)

Spring Break.

A few hours ago I rolled up to the Baptist Collegiate Ministry in the co-pilot position of a twelve passenger van after riding in that van for approximately twelve hours on the way home from New Orleans, Louisiana. I thanked the Lord for familiar territory, my own bed, less humidity and kisses from my dogs.

But I want to go back. I don’t want to do my homework or go to class or my internship. I don’t want to be stressed out and anxious like I always am. I want to go back. Not just to NOLA, but to New York, McAllen and Chicago too. Each of these places I have spent only a week of my lifetime in, but they have huge pieces of my heart. I find peace in those places. My worries don’t exist there, and my mission is simply to serve the people there. I decrease while He increases… while the people I’m serving increase. I deny myself and my needs and worries so that I can tend to the needs of the people there, and I love it. I don’t want to be worried about myself all of the time. It’s exhausting.

Something about serving makes those places so real. They’re not just pictures. You see firsthand the brokenness, the pain, the heartache, the darkness but you also see the joy, hope, peace, and light. There’s the good and ugly of every place including Knoxville and serving makes you see both and learn to appreciate both. Serving isn’t easy. Mission trips aren’t a breeze. You leave tired and sunburned and probably in need of being poured into and filled back up. But they have done so much in shaping who I am now, and God molds, pushes and grows me on those trips.

I’ll admit that I can do all of the things I did on each of those spring break mission trips in Knoxville, and I don’t. I don’t treat Knoxville as a mission field. Maybe if I did I would do better at finding peace in my everyday life. In lessening myself and trusting the Lord more. I should be serving the people of Knoxville as boldly and as energetically as I did in each of those cities because Knoxville is just as broken as any other city. Knoxvillians need Jesus just like anyone else. That is something that the Lord really taught me on this trip as the realization of this being my last BCM mission trip sunk in. I am dang sad about it, but if I treated wherever I am as a mission field with people that need to be served, I think I will find the same satisfaction and wonder that I find on each mission trip I’ve been on.

I love to travel, though, which is one of the things that makes these mission trips so special to me. Each time was a new place and adventure. When you’re away from home in a new place, you absolutely have to rely on God and those around you to make it through. I’m thankful for that growth, and it is something that I can’t find as easily here because I’m in my daily routine of comfort and busyness. But I will continuously try to find that here or wherever I end up because I can’t let the comfort distract me. I can’t let the busyness push evangelism, praying or serving off until later. It’s an urgent matter, and I can’t forget that. Oh goodness, it’s hard though.

I also love the servant’s heart that explodes out of the people I have the privilege of exploring these places with. I love my BCM family. I honestly don’t know how I made it through life before I met them. They have pushed me and challenged me in ways that no one else ever has. They have loved me unconditionally and sacrificially. I think watching them serve and love on others is my favorite part of my college spring breaks. They are so passionate about the gospel and Jesus’s love literally overflows out of them. They inspire me in ways that I hope to continually see after I graduate because it teaches me so much. I have grown one hundred times more in my faith and as a person by knowing them for four years than I did in the eighteen years before I met them. They are so incredible, and I would brag on them all day, every day.

To be real for a minute, I’m scared of what will happen when I graduate. The thing I will miss the most about college is the amazing community of believers that God gave me at the BCM. My brothers and sisters in Christ there are in my favorite life memories, and I know I’ve found forever friends with them.

You might have expected a little bit more of an update of what I did in New Orleans in this blog, and I’ll be glad to tell you but this is what I needed to say here.

I love to serve especially with my BCMers beside me. It may just be my favorite thing on the planet.

Two Little Truths

I wouldn’t usually be sitting here writing this when there’s a pile of homework beside me waiting to be done. But here I am. It’s easier because I already wrote all of this in the journal I started today. I bought a journal that I was supposed to fill with the times I was stressed out (aka all of the time) for a class, Stress Management, that I dropped because it was stressing me out. Long story. So, I changed the journal into journaling about Jesus because why not. I should have been doing it all along.

God has been reminding me over and over the past few days of these two little truths. Truths that once I realized have already significantly changed how I view life.

The first is this. God is enough. He and His love alone satisfies me. I don’t need other’s affections. I don’t need other’s compliments or Facebook likes. I don’t need people or food or things. Because none of that will satisfy me. It’s a hard thing to realize especially for someone like me who feels like she needs all of those desperately. I need acceptance. I need other people. I need my iPhone to survive. But those things won’t fill me like God does. I will always be left unsatisfied, feeling not good enough, disappointed, unloved and empty when I rely on those things or other people. Because they all fail. People fail you and make you feel unloved. iPhone’s die. Food spoils. Flowers fade. But God? He will always satisfy. He will never fail you or stop loving you. Ever. He is enough. He is all I really need. I never truly grasped what is meant by He is the bread of life, and now I do.

The second hit me suddenly and out of nowhere. But it relates to my constant fear of missing out. I’m basically like a kid who won’t fall asleep for a nap for fear of missing something awesome. I don’t like missing things. I don’t think anyone does. But God stopped me in my tracks and told me that in whatever moment I am in, He put me there. He designed the moment I am in right now intentionally and purposefully. So I shouldn’t be thinking of other moments I could be missing or what else I could be doing. I should be living this moment to its fullest. I should be completely present and engaged in every moment that I am in. And admittedly, I don’t do this very often. I am constantly thinking about something else instead of living in the exact moment that I was placed in. So this is definitely something I needed to realize. It’s something I need to work on improving at.

So there they are. Two little truths that I wanted to share with you.

Guns are not more important than people.

I don’t know when precious guns became more important than actually precious human lives, but I don’t like it. I don’t know when my life became more important than a potential robber’s life, but I don’t like that either.

I also don’t like guns. They terrify me. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t love them. It doesn’t mean that you can’t use them or own them. The second amendment is clear that we all have the right to bear arms.

Guns are such an idol, though. Why is your right to bear arms more important than people in poverty or the oppressed? I’m sorry, but I don’t understand why the protection of the second amendment is one of the most fought for issues. Why not the basic rights for those who don’t have any? Food for the hungry? Maybe homes for the homeless? I don’t get it.

And I am absolutely exhausted from hearing about gun violence. Exhausted. And angry. Heartbroken. Confused. Shocked. Dismayed. Depressed.

There’s already been 135 gun deaths in 2016.

Since 2011, there has been a public mass shooting every 64 days.

As President Obama recently pointed out, America is not the only country with violent people, and we are not more prone to violence than other countries. But we are the only advanced country that has mass violence at this scale. And apparently we don’t care. Because when moves are made to try to decrease the violence, we lash out and firmly say no because we’re scared of our precious guns being taken away.

Maybe it’s naivety, but I trust people. I see the good in people. And our President said in his speech that he did not have an agenda to take away your guns, and I believe him.

Gun control is good. Stricter laws on background checks is good. While it will not completely erase gun violence. It will save some lives. And some is better than none.

And “locking away all of the criminals, thugs and bad guys” is not going to more effectively solve the problem than gun control laws.

While I don’t like that mental health care was considered beside gun control like they are one in the same, I am glad that more funding is going to mental health. I find it troubling that the stigma of mental illness is automatically associated with violence, but  many suicides are committed with guns and some gun owners are haunted by mental illnesses that make them violent meaning they probably shouldn’t own guns. Regardless though, mental health is something that desperately needs more attention, and I’m ecstatic that it’s getting some.

Also, guns do need to be safer. Far too many people, children in particular, die from accidental gun injuries. This is a combination of unsafe storage and unsafe manufacturing. Both of which need to be addressed.

And by the way, guns are different than knives. They aren’t comparable. Guns were designed to kill. Knives were not. This is why gun control is significantly more important than something like knife control. People will still die, yes. Maybe from a stab wound. People will still kill. Maybe with a knife. But maybe, just maybe the violence and deaths will decline. And with that slight hope, I say go for it. Change some laws. Make the world a little less violent. A little less heartbreaking.

Because guns are not more important than people.

I don’t completely buy this but let’s say the violence is a people problem. A sin problem perhaps. Maybe we are all just inherently evil. We are violent and want to kill others. So then why won’t we do everything in our power to help limit the violence? Why not make responsible and safe gun laws so that we don’t have easy access to act on that violence? Why not make it easier for us to act on goodness, kindness and love? Because if I had a gun sitting beside me, it would be a whole lot easier for me to act on the anger I have for the person across the room by shooting them than talking it out peacefully. Even though my heart cannot handle violence. Even though I think I’m a pacifist. Even though guns scare the crap out of me.

Many times violence is easier than peace, and we are making it so easy to be violent. We are encouraging violent responses to fear or anger instead of peaceful ones. And I know we can’t fix all of this with gun laws.

Some “good people” do bad things which is why these gun laws won’t prevent all gun violence. Some “bad people” want to own guns for self-defense but would never pick it up to willing kill someone which is why these gun laws may be unfair. They don’t solve everything. But it’s better than nothing. It’s the best thing we’ve got right now.

If you’re against gun control laws, tell me what’s better. Please. I’d really like to know. But don’t tell me in the cruel and condescending way I see in Facebook comments. Like just because someone has a differing opinion they’re an idiot or attacking you. You’re better than that. Tell me how to fix gun violence, gun deaths, without throwing everyone in jail (because I don’t like that) and without gun control laws or taking your guns away (because you don’t like that). What’s in the middle? Let’s work together and figure it out.

In all honesty, though, I would be perfectly satisfied if guns didn’t exist.

And here we are at the end of some word vomit about gun control that might make everyone hate me. I hope you enjoyed.

Here’s the full text of Obama’s speech: https://sojo.net/articles/full-text-president-obamas-emotional-speech-gun-control

Four Goals for the New Year

2016 is two days away and I am terrified. In 2016, I’m graduating from college. This will probably force me to figure out what I’m doing with my life… at least for the time being. That should probably lead to finding a big girl job considering I’m confident(ish) in my decision to take a year or so off from school before grad school. Okay wow. Cue panic attack. 2016, you don’t have to come so fast alright?

Breathe. With all of the changes that will happen in 2016, I think it will be a good idea to set some goals for myself. Goals that aren’t things like eat better, exercise more and get less emotionally attached to fictional characters. All things I should do but really aren’t that life changing.

Lately, I’ve been particularly convicted to work on some things. While I’m not typically a New Year’s resolution type girl, I do think that it’s not a coincidence that these convictions have occurred right before the new year and right before the year where potentially the most amount of changes will take place that ever has in my entire life.

So here’s four of my goals for the new year.

1. Love better.
   Loving is something that I continuously want to work on and do better at. Because it is painfully obvious to me that I don’t love deep enough, and I don’t love anywhere close to everyone on this planet. I’ve also realized recently that I cannot love everyone to the best of my ability until I first love myself fully and completely. I do a pretty crappy job at loving myself. So in 2016 I want to love myself better so that I can love others better.
2. Act more.
   I am quite passionate about a good amount of issues particularly anything that oppresses or unfairly affects those who are far less privileged than I am. Because I am immensely privileged, it should be fairly easy for me to help those in need. But I so often find myself doing absolutely nothing. I talk a lot about it. I talk about how everyone else should be doing something while I sit on my couch and do nothing. I let myself off by saying that informing is doing something and it’s true. Informing people about injustices is doing something and it’s something I love doing, but I refuse to let that be enough. I should be doing so much more, and I intend to do more, act more in 2016.
3. Be courageous.
   Let’s be real here. I am not a Gryffindor, but I’m going to have to be brave in 2016. I’m going to need to step out of my comfort zone. Do new things. Do hard things. And I will have to have courage. Courage and a whole lot of trust in my Lord.
4. Become less argumentative and more gentle.
   I usually stay far away from conflict, but I do get defensive over my opinions, beliefs and thoughts. If someone challenges them, I often fight for them. I argue my case and don’t like admitting I could be wrong. The truth is I am wrong. Often. And sometimes I should be a little more open to what the other person is saying. I should be listening to what they are saying instead of tuning them out while searching for my next response to prove my rightness. It’s a goal of mine to be more gentle. To listen better and learn more and not be afraid to admit my faults and wrongs. I’m not perfect, and I shouldn’t act like I am.

So there they are. My challenges to myself. Now my challenge for you is to hold me to these and more importantly to challenge yourself to do and be better at whatever it is that you need to work on. Look deep for some life changing goals and resolutions then feel free to tell them to me so that I can help in holding you accountable. Happy New Year, friends!