Your Words Matter.

I’m not sure how to say this without it sounding like a rant. Because I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated by the ridiculously large number of people who have discredited my opinion based on my age. By my lack of experience, supposed naivete, youth, whatever. Like my college degree doesn’t matter. Like my personal life experience thus far doesn’t matter. Like my opinions and beliefs don’t matter.

Hey, I don’t care how old you are or what stage of life you’re in. Your voice matters. Your experiences matter.

I hate being told that my educators brainwashed me like I’m unable to make my own decisions on what I do and don’t believe. I hate when people assume that I don’t know what I’m talking about. That I’m just spouting off useless information that I mindlessly agreed was fact.

No. I have spent time researching and forming my own opinions. I continue to learn and shape my beliefs now, after I’ve graduated. No one forced me into this. I chose my major. I chose my classes. I chose which side to take (and my teachers almost always offered all sides).

I try to make sure every single one of my beliefs are based firstly, off the Bible and secondly, reliable research. I’m not an idiot.

I know what I’m talking about, and I’m tired of people telling me I don’t. Yes, sometimes I’m wrong. Sometimes I don’t know everything about a topic. Sometimes I get lost and confused. Sometimes I change my mind.

But some things I know a lot about and when people (who haven’t studied what I have) tell me I don’t, it makes me angry. Actually, it makes me sad. I just want to shout “HELLO. I HAVE A DEGREE IN THIS. I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. WHY WILL YOU NOT LISTEN? CAN YOU EVEN HEAR ME?” I feel invisible.

Because most of the time, it feels like whoever I’m talking to doesn’t even want to listen. They just sit in their own mindset refusing to just listen to a different side. I’m not trying to convince you or force you over to my side. It’s not red rover. I just want you to hear me out. Listen. Just count my side as valid. Instead of counting it out before I even speak. It’s more like the telephone game.

I feel like the older generations think millennials are clueless and dumb and out partying and protesting and have no idea what the “real world” is like. But I wish they’d see what I see. Millennials are wise and passionate and strong and brave and powerful. We know what we’re doing (as often as they do, anyway). They just refuse to listen or look or pay attention. Yes, we’ll love to learn from them. But they can also learn from us. We can all learn from each other. Let’s sit around a bonfire together.

If you’re reading this… even if you can’t read it, your words are important. I spent so much of my life not speaking the words that I wanted to say. Out of anxiety and fear. I still do it all. the. time. But we have to remember, our words matter. Even if no one listens. Even if no one cares. Even if no one agrees. They matter. You matter. Regardless of what your beliefs are.

So listen. and speak (in whatever language you want). and learn. and keep pushing forward. keep advocating. keep writing. because it matters. it all matters.

Make your voice be heard.

Trust me, someone sees you. I see you. God sees you.

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

Side thought: Maybe we protest so much because others refuse to listen during actual civilized conversation and we long for our voice to be heard somehow.

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recent reads, all time favorites and to reads

In middle school, the first books that got me into reading were the Twilight series and the Christy Miller series (which turned into the love of ALL books by Robin Jones Gunn- she’s still my all time favorite author and Christy and Todd are actual couple goals). Throughout middle and high school, I was very into fiction books. Nicholas Sparks, Sarah Dessen, the Divergent series, the Hunger Games series and many other stories along the way… you get the drift. (And I’m very embarrassed to admit that I’ve never read the Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter books… what is wrong with me, really?) But lately I have been on a nonfiction kick. So, I wanted to share with you some of the books I’ve read as well as some that are on my to-read list that I already know will be amazing.

First up, my current read:

Executing Grace by Shane Claiborne
I’ve been wanting to read a book by Shane for a while now and when I found out about this one, I knew it was one that I had to read. I’m only two chapters in right now, but it has already challenged me in how I think about the death penalty. I know many people will automatically turn away from this book especially if they are pro-death penalty because Shane is making the argument against it. But he writes it in a way that appeals to all audiences. For a long time, he was for the death penalty and he recounts what made his opinion change while having compassion and understanding for those who are for it. He also doesn’t leave a subject or role in executions untouched. He covers it all, has real-life examples and stories and Jesus is laced throughout the entire book. I’m very excited to finish reading it, and I highly recommend it!

Current devotional:

Savor by Shauna Niequist
I received this as a gift at Christmas and was very excited to get a devotional. I’ve admittedly been struggling in the quiet time department and was thankful to receive something that could be a guide for me during that time. Since it’s a daily devotional, I decided to start it on January 1st. Again, I’ll admit I’ve gotten a few weeks behind on it recently. But I’m hoping to get back into it. So far, I really enjoy reading what Shauna has to say. It’s not the deepest writing ever, but it’s a good pick-me-up during the day.

Next up, my recent favorites:

Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson
This book, y’all. I think this book is a new all time favorite. It’s a book that I could 100% see myself reading again (and I don’t re-read books often) and a book I could post a quote from every day. Bryan is one of my favorite people. My first exposure to him was a TED talk by him that I watched in one of my classes. Let’s just say that I’ve now seen that TED talk probably ten times. Bryan is a lawyer and the founder of the Equal Justice Initiative. He’s been on the front lines of the injustices within the criminal justice system for years and has been an advocate and warrior in fighting to correct those injustices. This book is full of heartbreaking as well as celebratory stories that he experienced first-hand. Before reading this book, I would have considered myself fairly knowledgeable of the injustices within the CJ system but I learned so much from this book and I know I’d learn even more if I read it again. There were stories that almost brought me to tears, stories that made me full of anger at the injustices, but the book was also full of grace and mercy and redemption and it is beautiful. It is a beautiful book and you should read it.

Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey
Sarah Bessey has been one of my favorite social media presents for a little while now. So when I got this book, I was excited to dig into her actual work. Jesus Feminist probably sounds scary to some people (oh no, the F-word!), but I think this is a book for everyone (male or female). Even if you don’t think you consider yourself a feminist, Sarah does an excellent job of redefining the word in a Biblical context. She quite literally revisits the role of women in the church, and it was very inspiring to me. Sarah’s voice and writing is stunning. She is extremely knowledgeable of the gospel, and it’s obvious that she has done her research. Again, I’d recommend this book in a heartbeat. I’m looking forward to reading her new book, Out of Sorts, when my to-read list gets a little less long.

Books I’ve started but not quite finished:

America’s Original Sin by Jim Wallis
Jim is the founder of Sojourners, a faith-based online news outlet (of sorts). I stumbled across Sojourners a while ago and instantly fell in love with their mission. Their articles are some of my favorites to read. Currently, one of my good friends is interning for them and I was given this book by her before she left. I got about a third of the way through before I (temporarily) abandoned it and moved on to something else. It wasn’t at all because I didn’t love it. Jim has amazing and knowledgeable input on racism, and this book is most definitely an important and necessary read. For some reason, I just had to take a break from it, though. I think the writing was just a little too long and hard for me at the time I was reading it. But eventually, I look forward to finishing it up. I would definitely recommend that everyone check out Sojourners as well as this book.

Faith Unraveled by Rachel Held Evans
I started this book, but then I think I got another book that I really, really wanted to read so I put this one down and picked that one up. Rachel is another one of my favorite people on social media, and I’ve been wanting to read one of her books for a while. This was the first one I found (and also her first book I think) so I got it. I only got a few pages in before I moved to the other book, but I have a feeling that I’m going to like it. I don’t agree with every single thing that Rachel believes, but I enjoy learning more about her viewpoint so I’m excited to dig deeper into her faith journey. I’m also looking forward to eventually reading her other books as well.

Finally, my to-read list:

The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander
This book is currently sitting on my bookshelf. It scares me slightly because it looks like a textbook, but I am so excited to read it. I read a couple of chapters in one of my classes so I already know that it’s amazing. I just have to motivate myself to read the entire thing. Michelle is a law professor and an outstanding woman. She is so knowledgeable on mass incarceration, the criminal justice system and race, and all of that knowledge is revealed in this book. It’s not an easy or comfortable book to read. I know it will be challenging and uncomfortable to me, but I would easily consider this book the most important book on this list (and it’s one of the ones I haven’t read…). Like all of these books, I would highly recommend this one.

Tattoos on the Heart by Gregory Boyle
I also received this book as a Christmas present. The only thing I really know about it is that a friend posted a quote from it, I fell in love, and I wanted to read it. Gregory is the founder of Homeboy Industries, a gang-intervention program in Los Angeles. The book tells stories from his time working with the individuals in the program. In the about section on the back of the book, it says ” Tattoos on the Heart reminds us that no life is less valuable than another.” So basically, I know I’m going to love it.

For the Love by Jen Hatmaker
Jen is another one of my favorite people to follow on social media. So again, I wanted to read her books. This is just the book that’s currently sitting on my bookshelf. But I’m looking forward to reading any or all of her books. She’s hilarious but also graceful and profound. When I finally decide to read something lighter, I’m going straight to this one.

 

And that’s everything (for now)! Let me know in the comments if you’ve ever read any of these books and what you think of them if you have. Are there any you’re going to the bookstore to pick up right now? I want to know that too. Also, feel free to leave me suggestions on what I should read next. I always welcome a longer to-read list and a messier bookshelf.

employed.

“Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” Romans 12:13
I read this verse today and it immediately reminded me of what I get to do for a living. What a blessing it is to help those in need on a daily basis.

I’ve officially been employed for a month, and I’ve got things to say. In case you weren’t aware, I work for a non-profit organization as a case manager. I have a caseload of 50 clients who all have some sort of mental illness.

It’s so strange because it is not at all what I saw myself doing and it’s not at all what is within my comfort zone. But it is so obviously where I’m supposed to be.

I joke that God applied for this position for me because while I applied for multiple positions at my organization, I didn’t apply for this one. My application ended up being transferred to my program where I was then called for an interview and then hired.  After six months of job searching, I wasn’t going to say no to a job that quite literally fell in my lap.

And I’m so glad I said yes.

Because it’s been so good. My co-workers are wonderful. I could brag on them for days. The working environment is fantastic. The hours, the schedule, the actual work I’m doing, heck even the dress code is all great. And I get paid! I’m still trying to get the hang of it all and get settled into a routine, but I think I’m going to like (love) it. I really do. I already do.

But I can’t lie and say that it hasn’t been hard. It’s been exhausting. It’s been anxiety-inducing. It’s been frustrating. And I’ve had plenty of “I have no idea what I’m doing” moments. But I know I’m supposed to be here which makes it easier to push through the difficult moments and to work all the more harder to learn faster and better.

God is so clearly pushing me to become a better me through this job because the majority of my job is doing things that would normally make me extremely uncomfortable.

For example: phone calls. I typically hate those. Even with my friends. But I probably make at least 10-20 phone calls a day.

Walking up to people’s doors. Yeah, that gives me anxiety when it’s my friend’s house. Take it up a notch… now I’m walking up to people’s doors who I’ve never met before in sometimes the sketchiest places in the city.

Driving around town. I don’t like driving when I know where I’m going. I’m so directionally challenged. But here I am driving all around the county to places I didn’t even know existed. Sometimes with other people in my car making my anxiety level even worse.

Treatment Team. Okay first of all, I love treatment team. It is so insanely helpful when you’ve got clients with a whole bunch of question marks beside them. It is a much needed time of problem solving. But y’all know discussion is my worst nightmare. Discussion points on the syllabus was the death of me and my grades in college. It has always been so hard for me to speak up in those types of settings. So naturally it’s still a difficult time.

But God is teaching me that I have to press on. I have to overcome my anxiety, awkwardness and fear. I have to do these things that make me uncomfortable because IT’S MY JOB. I have no choice but to do them. It makes absolutely no sense to me why I got this job. But I know God wants me to learn and grow as a person through it. I know it’s where God planned for me to be. If it wasn’t, every door that opened and every moment that lined up perfectly wouldn’t have happened. So, I’m going to keep working as hard as I possibly can.

I thought I’d hate having a job and being a real adult. I really did. I missed college (and still do) and thought there was no way I could experience something better. But God has proved me wrong. I love working. I love helping people through my work. I love having an outlet to pursue my passions. And I genuinely can’t wait to continue moving forward and pressing on.

Some days I don’t want to go to work. Some days I don’t want to wake up at 6:15. Some days I want to give up. Some days go nothing like I planned them to. Some days I’m so exhausted by the end of the day that all I want to do is go home and get in my bed. But most days, I find something to thank God for and keep pressing on. So, that’s what I’m going to keep doing.

“Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” Hebrews 12:1

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I am not alone.

I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me

These words spoke truth into me this morning at church. Don’t you love how God always knows what you need to hear?

I can pretend all I want that this has been an easy August, but the truth is post-college depression is all too real apparently. (I googled it… it’s a common problem)

Instead of focusing on the beautiful, wonderful and amazing things that happen.
I’ve fallen into focusing on the negative.

I’m jobless. Because finding a job is hard and rejection letters just keep on coming.
I’m lonely. Because most of my friends either don’t live here anymore or are still in school.
I’m bored. Because the only thing I have to do is sit at home with my puppies.
I’m pretty sure I’ve gained weight. Because I don’t walk up hills all day anymore.

But you know, the next song we sang at church was Lead Me to the Cross. And it always gets me. Every. Time. Rid me of myself, I belong to You.

If I really did that, got on my knees, laid me down, got rid of myself, the negatives wouldn’t bother me.

Because I wouldn’t believe those lies that I’ve been telling myself.
I’d trust in His plan.
I’d know that I belong to Him.
I wouldn’t define myself by what society calls successful, meaningful and purposeful.
I wouldn’t define myself by how many friends I have.
I’d identify myself by Christ alone.
I’d know that I am never alone.
I’d spend my time more wisely and with Him.

And that’s what I strive for because life is so much better when I don’t let myself get in the way of the joy found in Christ.

I got a postcard in the mail today from a dear friend. On the front was a picture of a piece from the British Museum. It was a chair made out of guns. On the back, she wrote “What man intends for evil, God does for good!”

And I could write an entire post about that in a completely different context, but here I will say… what I see as terrible is good in God’s eyes. This season is good because He is good, not bad because it’s not what my plan was.

After Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery, Joseph found the heart to say “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Genesis 50:20).

That’s amazing. Humanly, he should have been angry. He should have hated his brothers, but instead he realized that God used that season of awful for good. I think that’s exactly what God is teaching me now. It may not be physical harm or violence like Joseph. It’s definitely not the most terrible thing to ever happen. It’s simply a storm that I wish would pass. But I keep reminding myself how truly blessed I am. There’s so much to be thankful for. And this season, will be used for good. It will be used to fulfill His holy plan. It will teach me and grow me and help me trust Him more. I know there is good here because God is here.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” -Romans 8:28

“Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer.” -Ruth 4:14

My prayer today is… Lord, let me become more aware of your presence. Thank you for never leaving or forsaking me. Thank you for loving me so well. Thank you for grace in my failures. Thank you for your perfect plan. You are so good. You are faithful. And you are sovereign. Help me remember that. Help me love you better. Amen.

Heaven.

I hear a lot of fellow Christians on the subject of Heaven talking about the rewards that we will receive. About how we’ll get all of these fancy crowns and mansions. There will be glorious streets of gold. It’ll all be so amazing and like nothing we’ve ever seen before.

But honestly, I don’t get why that’s so often the focus.

Yes, those things are wonderful and sure I guess I’m pumped for it because we all know I’m not going to see those things in my lifetime here.

But in Heaven we’re going to be in the presence, the actual presence, of our Lord and Savior.

I don’t think I’m going to care if I have a crown or a mansion. I won’t care that I’m walking on streets of gold.

Because I’ll be able to worship Him perfectly forever and ever. I’ll be able to sit at His actual feet and praise everything that He has done. I’ll be able to walk by His side for eternity. Isn’t that a thousand times more beautiful and incredible than riches?

Our human minds always go straight to the riches of Heaven, but that’s not even important. We will be with God!

Admittedly, I’m not really one to want to hurry my residence in Heaven along because there’s so much more that I want to do here. But when I started thinking about it like the presence of God rather than a place with lots of riches, it became something that I can actually look forward to. The fancy and gold part of Heaven has never really been what attracts me to it. It’s just Jesus that does.

No more pain, tears, heartache, injustice, anxiety, fear, hatred, depression… so that we can just continuously joyously worship our Father with our Father without those things as distractions. Wow.

There’s also this hope that I can look forward to a place where everyone is unified. There will be a unified and peaceful body of people, with different genders, races, languages, classes, educations, interests, country of origins, backgrounds and sins, together worshiping our commonality… God. It’s so beautiful to me. We live on an earth with so many arguments and wars and conflicts and disagreements, and Heaven won’t have that. We will finally look past our differences and live together peacefully. I literally can’t wait for that.

But I also think we often get caught up in “Lord, come quickly” because we’re tired of living in this evil, messed up world and want that peace. I know I’ve definitely thought that a few times in the past few weeks alone. But I think we have to start  remembering the people, so many people, who have never heard Jesus’s name. They don’t know about His love, grace, mercy, kindness, courage, and forgiveness. They haven’t heard of His incredible act on the cross. They don’t know, and we should have compassion for them because Heaven is going to be so great.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve asked the Lord to go ahead and come just because I know I’m going to fail a test the next day. But in the grand scheme of things, that is selfish. He can go ahead and come because I know I’ll be in Heaven with Him when He does. But what about the people who haven’t heard? We should love the world enough to pray that each person knows Him before they leave this earth. And I know God will come back whenever He wants regardless of what we want or pray or hope. But we should want to see every single person in Heaven with us.

So even wishing for just ourselves to be in Heaven with Him before His timing is selfish. We are still here, living and breathing, because He is using us here to spread the gospel. Embrace that. Yes, look forward to Heaven and think of it as often as you get discouraged by this world. It’s encouraging to know where our home is. But don’t waste your time here wishing you were there. You are being used with every breath for a higher purpose and calling and it’s important. Don’t waste it.

Ultimately, it should break our hearts every time someone dies without knowing Him. Even if they were the worst person on the planet. Even if we think they somehow deserved death.

It should break our hearts.

I guess there’s two actions to do from here that I want to challenge all of us to do:

1. Tell others about Jesus through words and also actions. Not for an extra reward in Heaven but because your heart is broken. And not just the comfortable or the easy or the ones you think deserve Jesus, but the ones that you know you’re the exact opposite from. The ones you know will be hard. The ones you know will take work. And do it with love. Love that person like Jesus so that they see Jesus before you even speak His name.
2. And try your absolute hardest to make this world as close to Heaven as possible. Yes, it will never happen. This world will never be perfect. Sin messed that up. But we can advocate for justice and mercy and peace and love and hope and joy and unity. We can make this world better and we should. We shouldn’t complacently sit around while terrible things happen because we know it will never compare to Heaven. We shouldn’t walk by the broken man on the side of the road. This is our home for the time being so we should always strive to make it better, more like Jesus. Be healers and peacemakers and bridge builders and lovers and uniters and joy bringers. Because Jesus himself prayed… “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:10) And that should be our prayer too.
   

I imagine Heaven will be exactly like those moments of beautiful and intimate impromptu circles of friends in the middle of the parking lot singing songs of praise to the Lord in sweet fellowship. And it will be just as perfect as those moments. And those moments give me hope that snippets of Heaven can happen on earth too.

The time I had an identity crisis.

I’m having a crisis.

I started missing high school the other day so I’m obviously having a quarter-life crisis. Really, why would I want to go back there?

Maybe worse than that is the fact that I’ve gone my entire life thinking, knowing I was a Hufflepuff, but I made a Pottermore account yesterday to find out my Ilvermorny house (Pukwudgie) and decided to get sorted into my Hogwarts house while I was at it. I was fully expecting Hufflepuff then the result came… Ravenclaw? That can’t be right. You’re drunk, sorting hat.

But after some research, I think I’ve been lying to myself. I think the sorting hat was right. I think I am a Ravenclaw. What is happening. Do I actually have enough knowledge to answer a complicated question every time I go into the common room?

The good news is that I’m fairly certain Pukwudgie is the Hufflepuff equivalent of the American wizarding school, but seriously. I’m having an identity crisis.

My serious Hufflepuff pride has turned into a confused whirlwind of canary yellow and black, blue and bronze, badgers and eagles. I can’t just change my allegiance. That’s like suddenly going from a die-hard Braves fan to a Cubs fan. WHO AM I?

I have no idea.

All I know is that I’m going to have to change my Twitter bio. And my About Me page (which needs changed anyway because I’m no longer a senior at the University of Tennessee… I’m an alum. Still weird).

It’s funny (or not) because this isn’t the first time I’ve had this identity problem.

I’ve been in a constant battle between identifying as an ISFJ or an INFJ for the Myers-Briggs personality test for a while. I’ve taken it repeatedly and gotten both more than once. I think I probably more closely align with and most often say that I am an ISFJ, but I really aspire to be an INFJ. In my ideal self, that’s what I would be. But regardless, the question still stands.

Who am I?

Because it’s not really what I want or what I thought.
But it’s exactly how God made me.

You know, I think our culture (me included) is too caught up in categories and bios and descriptions. We have to have the perfect clever but descriptive social media bio and email signature. We have to be democrat or republican, liberal or conservative, Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw, pro-life or pro-choice, gun laws or 2nd amendment, ISFJ or INFJ, etc, etc…
Like there’s never a scale.

But I fall in the middle ALL the time which makes me question who I am ALL the time.
I don’t fit in one certain category so who am I?

Well, I’m me. Maybe I don’t perfectly fit into socially constructed categories, but I’m me. And that’s okay.

Hi, I’m Mikayla and I’m just a person trying to figure out who she is. Trying to figure out God’s calling and purpose for her life. Trying to follow His will. Trying to find herself along the way. Trying to be confident in how God created her.

And maybe that looks like a very confused girl (or woman, rather) who can’t figure out if she’s a Ravenclaw or a Hufflepuff. But it also looks like a woman who is trying to embrace who she is and be confident in it no matter what anyone else says or on which side they tell her she should be on. A woman who loves the middle and hates it too but stays there anyways because it’s who she is.

A woman who is also really indecisive and maybe that’s the real problem here.

Shoot, I am clearly a mess. But the Lord thought it was a good idea to create me like this so I might as well love it. We all wish for changes in ourselves, to be a little more this or a little better at that. And don’t get me wrong, it’s good to want to improve and we should strive for improvement. But loving yourself exactly how you are is important. So, I’m choosing to love who I am even if I don’t know what exactly that is. Even in the midst of confusion and uncertainty. Even if there’s qualities that don’t make sense or that I don’t want to like. I’m choosing to love who I am.

Whoever I am, I love it. Or I’m trying to at least.

Remember that you are beautiful. Love yourself well. And love others well because they’re beautiful too.

Also, never tickle a sleeping dragon. (and that’s why I’m single)

Until next time,
Your favorite RavenPuff (or is it HuffleClaw?)

He is Good.

God’s plan is always good. That’s something that I am trying to remember  lately.

Even when,

Christina Grimmie was shot and killed at her concert last night.

There’s going to be a Trump vs. Clinton election this year.

I just turned down the only job offer I’ve gotten.

My pups can sit on command, but they still pee in the house.

There’s way too much poverty, violence, war, oppression and hate in the world.

There are so many “Lord, help me” prayers going on right now.

Really, I don’t understand His plan at all. But I know that it is good because He is good.

He is so, so good.

And maybe we don’t see His goodness in the mundane, horrible and unexpected things.
I know I don’t always.

But we see His goodness in His love, mercy and grace. In His death on the cross to save us from darkness. In His provision. In His blessings. In His creation. In His word. In His people.

And I am thankful for that. Oh so thankful.

It is easy to see His goodness in the good and lovely moments. It isn’t in the not so good moments, but we have to see it in those moments too because His goodness is unchanging. His goodness is always holy no matter what is happening.

Trusting the Lord and His timing and plan is hard and not something I’m good at. I’m not going to pretend that I am sitting here not worried about life. Because I am. But because I know that He is good, I am trying so hard to trust Him.

So trust Him no matter how difficult it is. Trust Him no matter how confused you are. Trust Him even if you think He’s wrong and your plan is better. Trust Him.

This song is always on my heart, but especially today…

“Let the King of my heart
be the mountain where I run
The Fountain I drink from
Oh He is my Song
Let the King of my heart
be the shadow where I hide
the ransom for my life
Oh He is my Song

You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh

Let the King of my heart
be the wind inside my sails
The anchor in the waves
Oh He is my Song
Let the King of my heart
be the fire inside my veins
the echo of my days
Oh He is my Song

You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh

You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down”

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! (Psalm 107:1)

Women.

I am a woman, and I think women are wonderful.

But I don’t think society thinks that. Actually, I know that.

Well, maybe it does but only for our bodies. Only for the pleasure of men.

Women’s bodies are so sexualized. It has always perplexed me as to why men can freely walk around pretty much anywhere without a shirt on while women are continuously put down because they’re wearing a bikini, sports bra or crop top. It’s always bothered me that dress codes disproportionally affect women. It’s ridiculous that women are criticized for breastfeeding in public. People get so offended over women’s bodies being exposed, and we wonder why young women are so at-risk for eating disorders.

It’s because A) women are blasted with photoshopped images that are literally unattainable and B) their bodies are continuously viewed as objects and nothing more.

In fact, maybe we could just stop that sentence at viewed. Women’s bodies are looked at and noticed while men’s aren’t. No one notices when a man gains five pounds or if they do, they don’t care. No one cares what a man is wearing. The attention always goes straight to the female body in the room.

And we are confused to why rape and sexual assault are so prevalent?

I’m not. It’s because everything we do teaches boys that girls are objects made for them instead of human beings.

Because we tell each other that women are only valuable because they are a daughter, sister, wife or mother. We are only valuable because of our relationships to men. We are only valuable if we look good enough. We are only valuable if we are the right amount of feminine and nothing less and nothing more.

But that’s not true.

We are valuable. We are loved. We are important. We can contribute. We are capable.

Simply because we are humans.

Our identity is not found in the men who surround us. Our identity is found in Christ.

We are able to do so much more than society tells us we can do. We can do anything because Philippians 4:13 doesn’t just apply to men .

And it would be really cool if men would stop getting in the way of that by telling us we can’t. By not supporting us. By using our bodies for their pleasure and telling us that it is the only valuable thing about us. By catcalling. By raping. By making us go home and change instead of staying in class to learn. By pointing at a picture in a magazine and asking us why we don’t look like that. By telling us to stop feeding our babies. By mansplaining. By telling us our sexual assault was our fault.

And I could go on and on and on…

Think of how beautiful it would be if all men stood behind and with women instead of in front of them blocking their view. Gosh, that would be amazing. I can’t wait for that day.

I’m so privileged. I have not been pushed aside like too many women have, and my heart hurts so badly for them. I want them front and center. I want them to accomplish everything they want to do. I want them to never go out at certain times or to certain places in fear of their safety. I want them to always be consensual in every sexual encounter. I want them to get paid the same. I want them to wear what they want and be who they want. I want them to live to their full potential. I want them to live how God intended for them to live. And I don’t want anything to hold them back. Especially men.

For both of our sakes.

Women are wonderful and beautiful and amazing and I want the world to know that. To see that. To agree with that.

But not just for our bodies. And instead for our hearts, brains, souls. Because we are breathing and here and deserve to be loved. We deserve to be heard. Because we are human just like men. Because society literally needs us to survive.

Women, remember that you are powerful. Please don’t ever feel like you’re not good enough because you are. You are, I promise. You and your own special gifts and talents can do anything and don’t forget that. Don’t allow anyone to stop you from doing your calling. Don’t let anyone stop you from following your dreams. If a woman hasn’t done it before, you can be the first. We were made for more than having babies, getting married and cleaning the house even though those things aren’t inherently bad. We were still made for so much more.

I want you to know that it’s okay to be a woman. I know it sucks sometimes. I know we have to be the ones who get pregnant, have babies and menstruate. I know we are looked at as the lesser half even though that’s the furtherest thing from the truth. But we’ll be okay. We can push through. It’s not going to be easy but we can survive because we are strong.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

Psalm 139:14

You are fearfully and wonderfully made and you are SO loved,

Mikayla

Diversity and Inclusion.

(Picture found on the UTDiversityMatters’s Facebook page)

I’m frustrated. It’s not uncommon for me. You probably know that, but today I found myself so overwhelmed with all of these negative emotions that I couldn’t even form a thought that made sense. So, naturally I’m writing about it to try to form something coherent.

This morning in my Law and Society class we talked about immigrants. Immigrants are people, and that’s all that really matters to me. I don’t care where they’re from, why they needed to leave their country, what they’ve done… All I care about is that they’re people that need help. But we (America) don’t do a good job at helping them. We make citizenship impossible to achieve. We arrest, detain and deport them just for existing. Because somehow it’s possible for a human being who God placed on this planet to be illegal for just breathing. We make it loud and clear that we are exclusive.

It’s like we’re saying “Sorry, we’re known as a melting pot but we actually don’t like anyone who doesn’t look, act or talk like us. Oh, there’s political conflict, natural disasters, war and stagnant economies in your country? Well, that’s just too bad you’ll have to deal with it or find somewhere else to go because I have to eat my post-dinner ice cream, fill up my new car with gas, charge my iPhone and watch my Netflix shows. I don’t have the time, energy or resources to help you.”

Are we really that afraid of people who aren’t like us? Are we so afraid of diversity that we’ll risk their lives? Like our luxuries and  privilege are more important than their lives. They leave their country out of fear. They don’t want to leave their home, everything they know and love, but they have to. They don’t have this big agenda to destroy America. They’re seeking refuge, and they think they can find it here. But they don’t because we don’t give it to them. Because we make them live in fear here too. Instead of being welcoming and kind, loving and caring, we make them continue to live in fear.

That entire conversation in my class this morning reminded me of the current big UT issue, The Office of Diversity and Inclusion. As most of you know, there is a bill trying to defund the office for In God We Trust decals for law enforcement vehicles and minority scholarships. Now, I have a lot to say about what they want the money to go to, but I’m going to skip that to talk about the importance of why we need diversity and inclusion. A more important conversation.

We need diversity because we’re scared of people not like us. Why is that? Because we aren’t exposed to them. Why is that? Because we aren’t inclusive. We kick people out of the country, our bakeries, our churches, you name it because we’re exclusive. Just like segregation. Only whites allowed. Only white, Christian, heterosexual, men allowed. And there’s always stereotypical reasons to allow this discrimination and oppression to happen. All blacks are criminals, all Hispanics are trying to take our jobs (like we have an entitlement to those jobs), all Muslims are terrorists. They don’t seem wrong, though, because some (a tiny minority) have done those things. We have seen them do it. But it is absolutely essential for us to remember that not everyone falls under those categories. This is why categories are so damaging. They lump all people who look the same into one category when maybe that category doesn’t fit them at all.

And I know. Trust me, I remember 9/11. I know that it scares us, it scares me. Some terrible things have happened because of outsiders. And I’ll be honest, I don’t have the magical solution. I don’t know how to keep all “bad” people out and let all “good” people in. It’s hard and complicated and tricky and risky. But all I know is that they’re people even the “bad” ones. They’re people who deserve to be treated like human beings, like a precious life worthy of living.

And I also know that less than 20% of all immigrants commit serious criminal acts. Most immigrants are arrested and deported for minor crimes like a broken tail light or not using a signal light or for simply existing in the wrong place in the wrong body.

Like I said before, I am frustrated because I want everyone on this planet to be recognized as a human. I am so tired of dehumanization, and we do it all the time. Just the other day I was reading an article about Jajuan Latham, the 12 year old who was shot as an innocent bystander by gun violence, and the comments were absolutely disgusting. The racist language being used was so dehumanizing towards all individuals of color. The violence in their words was almost as bad as the crime itself.

Dehumanization is the third step of genocide, and oh goodness are we there. I’m so scared for this nation and our inability to care or maybe our unwillingness to care. We don’t even care about our own citizens, about our neighbors, let alone the rest of the world. We only care about two things: ourselves and profit. Caring about and helping others doesn’t get us there, does it? So we just don’t do it.

I will say this. It’s easier not to care. Sometimes I miss the times when I didn’t. Caring and acting on that care is exhausting. It takes work, but it is so worth it in the end.

We’re all people created by the Creator and deserving of love and kindness because that’s what Jesus mimicked for us on the cross. He loved the unlovable, cared for the ones not cared for, sought out the ones who were ignored. I strive to be more like that every day, and I really hope you do too. We can start right here, right now on UT’s campus, not allowing the legislature to defund the Office of Diversity and Inclusion because diversity matters.

Confidence.

I’ve been thinking about confidence lately.

I really don’t have much confidence at all if I’m being honest.

It’s the ultimate reason for why it’s frustratingly impossible for me to take part in class discussions. It’s why I worry about what I look like. It’s why I trail off on my sentences or take back what I said. It’s the reason I second-guess myself and can’t make decisions. It’s why I get nervous before things like presentations or going somewhere new or talking to someone I don’t know.

It all goes back to confidence.

But in all of that, I’ve realized that not being confident in myself means I’m not confident in God. He made me. He made my passions, my knowledge, my opinions, ideas and thoughts. He made my appearance. He made me exactly how I am for a reason and a purpose. So, I should be confident in that because it’s from Him, and He is perfect. Because He is perfect and knows all things and sees all things, I can be confident in Him and trust Him which means I can be confident and trust myself because He is in me.

I was listening to The Artist by Rend Collective on my car ride home and it says “You make all things bright and beautiful, wild and colorful. You make our lives bright and beautiful, wild and colorful. You are the artist.” It’s so good and so convicting. It’s so easy to love God’s creation and other people because of the beauty in them. (For the most part, anyway.) But I struggle so hard to love myself and find that beauty in me. Why, though?

I’m just as much His creation as everybody else. I’m loved like everyone else. I’m forgiven and given grace and mercy. Jesus died for me too. But I seem to forget that.

I think it’s hard because I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want the attention to be on me because then I’ll look self-absorbed. I want to care about others so badly that I tend to neglect myself. That thought process is almost prideful, though.  It’s almost prideful of me to not be confident in myself. It’s prideful to want to be better or prettier because then I’m hoping to change how God created me. I am perfectly Mikayla, and you are perfectly you. We’re not perfect, but we’re the perfect one of us because we’re the only one of us.

I’ve learned that it’s nearly impossible to love others the way you should if you don’t love yourself like you should.

So here’s my challenge to you and me… embrace yourself. love yourself. be yourself.

Be exactly who God made you to be, and don’t let anyone especially yourself give you a reason not to be confident in that.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  your works are wonderful, I know that full well. -Psalm 139:14