Your Words Matter.

I’m not sure how to say this without it sounding like a rant. Because I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated by the ridiculously large number of people who have discredited my opinion based on my age. By my lack of experience, supposed naivete, youth, whatever. Like my college degree doesn’t matter. Like my personal life experience thus far doesn’t matter. Like my opinions and beliefs don’t matter.

Hey, I don’t care how old you are or what stage of life you’re in. Your voice matters. Your experiences matter.

I hate being told that my educators brainwashed me like I’m unable to make my own decisions on what I do and don’t believe. I hate when people assume that I don’t know what I’m talking about. That I’m just spouting off useless information that I mindlessly agreed was fact.

No. I have spent time researching and forming my own opinions. I continue to learn and shape my beliefs now, after I’ve graduated. No one forced me into this. I chose my major. I chose my classes. I chose which side to take (and my teachers almost always offered all sides).

I try to make sure every single one of my beliefs are based firstly, off the Bible and secondly, reliable research. I’m not an idiot.

I know what I’m talking about, and I’m tired of people telling me I don’t. Yes, sometimes I’m wrong. Sometimes I don’t know everything about a topic. Sometimes I get lost and confused. Sometimes I change my mind.

But some things I know a lot about and when people (who haven’t studied what I have) tell me I don’t, it makes me angry. Actually, it makes me sad. I just want to shout “HELLO. I HAVE A DEGREE IN THIS. I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. WHY WILL YOU NOT LISTEN? CAN YOU EVEN HEAR ME?” I feel invisible.

Because most of the time, it feels like whoever I’m talking to doesn’t even want to listen. They just sit in their own mindset refusing to just listen to a different side. I’m not trying to convince you or force you over to my side. It’s not red rover. I just want you to hear me out. Listen. Just count my side as valid. Instead of counting it out before I even speak. It’s more like the telephone game.

I feel like the older generations think millennials are clueless and dumb and out partying and protesting and have no idea what the “real world” is like. But I wish they’d see what I see. Millennials are wise and passionate and strong and brave and powerful. We know what we’re doing (as often as they do, anyway). They just refuse to listen or look or pay attention. Yes, we’ll love to learn from them. But they can also learn from us. We can all learn from each other. Let’s sit around a bonfire together.

If you’re reading this… even if you can’t read it, your words are important. I spent so much of my life not speaking the words that I wanted to say. Out of anxiety and fear. I still do it all. the. time. But we have to remember, our words matter. Even if no one listens. Even if no one cares. Even if no one agrees. They matter. You matter. Regardless of what your beliefs are.

So listen. and speak (in whatever language you want). and learn. and keep pushing forward. keep advocating. keep writing. because it matters. it all matters.

Make your voice be heard.

Trust me, someone sees you. I see you. God sees you.

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

Side thought: Maybe we protest so much because others refuse to listen during actual civilized conversation and we long for our voice to be heard somehow.

To the soon-to-be College Graduate

Dear almost college graduates,

Congrats on your upcoming graduation! In the words of Elle Woods, we did it! Well you did it, I did it last May. But anyway, if you’re graduating in December, you’re so close! Push through, you can do it! If your time isn’t until May, savor this time. It’ll sneak up on you really quick even though it feels far away. You can do it too!

Being six months out of college, I thought I would share with you some post-graduation wisdom. But first, can I be honest with you? The most common phrases I’ve used to describe this time after college are “I hate it.” “It’s terrible.” “It’s hard.” and “I would not recommend.” But don’t let that scare you. Because I’m positive that it’s easier and better for some people than it has been for me. Some people use completely different descriptors. And I’ve seen their beautiful and well-earned success. However, I also know that I am not alone in my struggles because I’ve talked to others in similar situations as me. The problem is that no one warned us (or me at least) that graduating could be horrible and that you may or may not have a quarter-life crisis. So because of that, I’m going to pass along some things I’ve learned as well as some encouragement so that you don’t have the shock that I experienced.

I’d like to start by saying that college, for me, was the most beautiful time in my life thus far. I plan to go back to get my master’s because it was so beautiful. The learning, community and opportunities available are simply incredible, and I am beyond thankful for those four years. It was quite literally the best time of my life. So I would challenge you not to take your time in college for granted. Don’t waste one minute of it. If you’ve got one month left or four years left, live every moment to its fullest. Be present and active. And try not to regret anything once it’s over.

My six months post-graduation have been full of job searching, resumes, cover letters, applications, emails, phone calls, interviews and ultimately lots of rejection letters, emails and phone calls. I’d like to say I’m a pro at those things now, but apparently I’m not since I’ve turned down one job (very early on in my search… I’m regretting that now, to be honest) in my probably in the twenties or more worth of applications and interviews. Your six months post-graduation may look very similar to this or it may look nothing like it. But either way, never give up. And you should probably start searching early.

During this time, I am trying to completely trust the Lord because it’s all I really can do. It is so dang hard, though. But I refuse to allow myself to get discouraged. I will say that this season has been full of thoughts of uncertainty, anger, sadness, confusion and doubt. I have second-guessed my major and career choices, my own hire-ability and my lack of experience. I have even wondered if I’ll be single, unemployed and living with my parents for the rest of my life. And you may experience these thoughts too. But remember that He is still good. He is always good. And because I know that, I know that there is something good coming. His plan will play out exactly how it should. I just wish it wasn’t taking so long. I may be impatient, but I take peace in knowing that He is always faithful.

I want you to know, that you are good enough. Maybe graduating will be nothing like you expected. Maybe you won’t get a job as quickly as you wanted. Maybe you’ll have to compromise what you are looking for. Maybe it’ll be lonely and boring and maybe you’ll hate it all. But it will all work out, and you are good enough. You won’t always feel good enough, but you are because you are an image bearer of God with a unique and important purpose. Don’t forget that.

Stay optimistic and find the positives. There is good in the rejection. There is good in the phone call you never got. There is good in the email that wasn’t responded to. There is good. You just have to find it.

Also, always obey the Lord and where He is calling you and follow Him with every ounce in you. You will be okay if you do that.

I’ve officially deemed myself a stay-at-home dog mom for the time being. And while that’s not even close to where I saw myself at this exact moment, it’ll do for now. Because that’s exactly where I am supposed to be.

Before I end, I want to talk about community for a bit. Because when you graduate, you instantly lose the immediate, easy and convenient community of friends that you had. And let me tell you, it takes hard work to maintain friendships and to create new ones. But it is so worth it.

You have to put effort in, though. Put effort into seeing and communicating with the friends you hold dear. It may be impossible to keep in touch with every single person you saw on a daily basis so make sure you’re being intentional with your closest and best friends. But YOU put in the effort. Don’t wait for them to reach out to you. You also have to seek out ways to build a new community. Whether that be work, a small group, church, volunteering somewhere… Find a community. You will feel so lonely if you don’t seek out ways to get involved. So do it.

Stay positive. Work hard. Show kindness. Do good. Be brave. Find confidence. Stay patient. Trust the Lord.

I wish you the best of luck on your future endeavors. I sincerely hope your post-graduation life is a little better than mine has been, but if it’s not, know that you are not alone and that everything will eventually be okay even if it doesn’t seem like it.

In the meantime if anyone knows of a way to send my resume and a “please hire me” note to every nonprofit in East Tennessee, I’d love to know it.

Love y’all,
Mikayla

Additional note: I was too lazy to figure out where to fit this in, but I read a She Reads Truth devotional after finishing this post and it ended with “Don’t waste your waiting. Your story is much bigger than the ending.” The entire devotional was ridiculously relatable to me in this job hunting season, but that quote jumped out at me. Because I’ve been wasting my waiting. I find myself so often doing nothing productive and just waiting around for something to happen. But nothing happens when you’re doing nothing. And that’s not how I should be using this blessing of free time. So a reminder to me and you in your season of waiting whatever it may be, don’t waste it. Do something good with it. It’s an opportunity to make a difference in your life and other people’s lives. It’s an opportunity to read and gain more knowledge. To write or volunteer or advocate or clean your house or workout or explore or learn something new or spend time with the people you love. It’s a time to spend time with God. It’s even a time to cuddle your dogs and catch up on Netflix shows. Just do whatever God has called you to do in that moment and work hard at whatever it is. Also, read that She Reads Truth.

Four Goals for the New Year

2016 is two days away and I am terrified. In 2016, I’m graduating from college. This will probably force me to figure out what I’m doing with my life… at least for the time being. That should probably lead to finding a big girl job considering I’m confident(ish) in my decision to take a year or so off from school before grad school. Okay wow. Cue panic attack. 2016, you don’t have to come so fast alright?

Breathe. With all of the changes that will happen in 2016, I think it will be a good idea to set some goals for myself. Goals that aren’t things like eat better, exercise more and get less emotionally attached to fictional characters. All things I should do but really aren’t that life changing.

Lately, I’ve been particularly convicted to work on some things. While I’m not typically a New Year’s resolution type girl, I do think that it’s not a coincidence that these convictions have occurred right before the new year and right before the year where potentially the most amount of changes will take place that ever has in my entire life.

So here’s four of my goals for the new year.

Love better.
Loving is something that I continuously want to work on and do better at. Because it is painfully obvious to me that I don’t love deep enough, and I don’t love anywhere close to everyone on this planet. I’ve also realized recently that I cannot love everyone to the best of my ability until I first love myself fully and completely. I do a pretty crappy job at loving myself. So in 2016 I want to love myself better so that I can love others better.
Act more.
I am quite passionate about a good amount of issues particularly anything that oppresses or unfairly affects those who are far less privileged than I am. Because I am immensely privileged, it should be fairly easy for me to help those in need. But I so often find myself doing absolutely nothing. I talk a lot about it. I talk about how everyone else should be doing something while I sit on my couch and do nothing. I let myself off by saying that informing is doing something and it’s true. Informing people about injustices is doing something and it’s something I love doing, but I refuse to let that be enough. I should be doing so much more, and I intend to do more, act more in 2016.
Be courageous.
Let’s be real here. I am not a Gryffindor, but I’m going to have to be brave in 2016. I’m going to need to step out of my comfort zone. Do new things. Do hard things. And I will have to have courage. Courage and a whole lot of trust in my Lord.
Become less argumentative and more gentle.
I usually stay far away from conflict, but I do get defensive over my opinions, beliefs and thoughts. If someone challenges them, I often fight for them. I argue my case and don’t like admitting I could be wrong. The truth is I am wrong. Often. And sometimes I should be a little more open to what the other person is saying. I should be listening to what they are saying instead of tuning them out while searching for my next response to prove my rightness. It’s a goal of mine to be more gentle. To listen better and learn more and not be afraid to admit my faults and wrongs. I’m not perfect, and I shouldn’t act like I am.

So there they are. My challenges to myself. Now my challenge for you is to hold me to these and more importantly to challenge yourself to do and be better at whatever it is that you need to work on. Look deep for some life changing goals and resolutions then feel free to tell them to me so that I can help in holding you accountable. Happy New Year, friends!

Ramblings of a College Senior

“I have almost as many drafts than I do actual published posts.” I think to myself as I open a new post.

I’m currently laying in my floor contemplating life because I have no idea what I’m doing with it. Raise your hand if you relate. Anybody? I hope there’s somebody.

You see, I should probably take the GRE if I want to go to grad school. But do I even want to go to grad school? That’s a great question that I think the answer to is yes. Strictly because I like to learn and want to know more. So maybe a better question is do I NEED to go to grad school? Also a great question, but I have no idea about the answer to that one. Why? You might be wondering. Because I don’t know what I want to do with my degree. See my dilemma? I have some vague ideas, but nothing too concrete. Is this normal? Shouldn’t I know that by now? I have TWO semesters left of my undergrad. Oh goodness.

So back to the GRE… Should I take it and hope that I didn’t waste money on it by not going to grad school in the next five years? And should I be studying for this test? Or figuring out where to apply for grad school? Dang. I hate being an adult.

I want to stay in undergrad forever. Can I do that?

Help me, Lord Jesus, because I have no idea what I’m doing.

I do this thing where I just wait until decisions pass by so I don’t have to actually make the decision. You know, I’m THAT person that just sits back and watches everyone else debate about where to eat until they finally make the decision, and I didn’t have to do anything. That’s probably not a good idea in the case of my life…

My current thought process is taking a year off after I graduate, getting a job with my bachelor’s degree then going back for my masters. This will give me time to take the GRE, apply to schools and all that stuff without stressing about all of it on top of my classes this year. But I don’t actually know if that’s a good idea or if that’s what I want to do. It changes daily hence why I said current thought process.

Excuse me, I’m going to go puke then ask for some professional advice (from people who have gone through this, not like a therapist which I probably need too if we’re being honest).

Really though, I’ve been praying about this for a good long while, and I’m pretty sure God’s like “We’re working on your patience, Mikayla. Calm down.” And I’m just like “Oh. I’ll just be laying in the floor some more.”

It’s actually really annoying how anxious I am about this. Is this why people do drugs? Have I mentioned that I don’t like adulthood? Let’s go back to like elementary school. Yeah, I’d be cool with that.

I’m just going to go now. If you get a message from me sometime soon freaking out about life, I’m just going to go ahead and apologize.

Seriously though, why do people want to graduate early? I’d kill for an extra semester or two to figure my life out. Maybe I should fail my classes next semester on purpose… What am I saying right now? Bye for real this time.

mikayla