The Importance of Listening

Because I want America to look like this.

I think it’s safe to say that we all love a good story. Whether it’s a cheesy, love story like a Nicholas Sparks book, an action adventure movie like Lord of the Rings or a funny, light-hearted TV show like New Girl. We love them. We laugh, we cry, we gasp, we sit on the edge of our seat. We become emotionally invested in them.

So why then, since I know that we all love a good story, do we completely disregard the stories of the people sitting beside us?

Because don’t real live people matter more than Ronnie Miller, Frodo Baggins and Jessica Day? It’s an easy answer on the surface… Of course real people matter more than fictional ones. But sometimes I find it kinda hard to believe. (This coming from a girl who named her puppies Luna and Pippin.)

But ponder this… how many times do we prove by our actions (or inactions) that we care more about fictional characters than actual people? We never question or second-guess the people on TV or in the books. We may disagree with something they say or do, but we usually still love them, right? And we actively want to know how they are doing and what they are doing. I’ve even almost prayed for people who aren’t real before (honestly, what is wrong with me).

So obviously, we care quite a bit about the lives of characters. But when it comes to those actually in our lives…

Please tell me I’m not the only one who has: asked someone else how they are doing just so I can tell them how I am, had my response planned out in the heat of an argument or discussion before the other person even says their opinion, or completely ignored or disregarded another person’s experience as valid or true just because I have never had that experience.

I do those things more often than I’d like to admit, and I’m just going to go ahead and assume that you have too.

So, I think it’s time, past time really, that we all sat down and actually listened. It’s as simple as that. Sitting down and listening to our family, friends, acquaintances, strangers… people we like and people we don’t, people we agree with and people we don’t, people who look like us and people who don’t.

Instead of shouting “You’re wrong!” or “I don’t believe you!” or “That’s not true!” Why don’t we sit down, close our mouths, place our full attention on someone else and listen?

Because the truth is I cannot speak for the male experience. I cannot speak for the black experience. Or the gay, transgender, poor, mother, elderly, married, just to name a few. Because that’s not who I am.

I cannot speak for anyone’s experience except for mine. Except for Mikayla’s. I can relate to the straight, white, Christian, single, 22 year old, recent college graduate woman. But even then, I cannot speak for every person who fits those categories. Because each person lives their own unique lives differently.

Each person has their own story.

At the root, this is why it’s problematic to ask the only black person in the room to speak for their entire race. It’s why it’s problematic for white people to say that black individuals aren’t unfairly targeted by the police. Or why I can’t claim to know exactly how an LGBT person feels.

Because the truth is we don’t know how anyone else experiences the world except for ourselves. We could change that, though, if we listened.

Even when we know we’re going to disagree with someone’s opinion, let’s listen.
Even when we don’t agree with someone’s lifestyle or choices, let’s listen.
Even when we have a hard time believing that what they are saying is true, let’s listen.

It’s a choice. You don’t have to listen. You can easily choose not to. But you know, I think listening has the ability to create a more peaceful, just, loving, graceful and good society and world. Because instead of fighting, arguing, ignoring, resisting, forgetting and not caring. We would be sitting down, having honest conversation, opening up and listening.

This doesn’t mean we compromise our beliefs, opinions and ideas. It means we listen first. Then tell the one across the table (who is hopefully willing to listen now that you have listened to them) what you think. That’s it. You don’t have to end the conversation in agreement or with changed beliefs. But you can and should end the conversation in love, peace and respect and with some new insight and knowledge.

That’s the first and most important step, I think. But listening could also go as far as going out of our way to talk to those with completely different experiences so that we can learn more about diversity. It could mean, if we are in a place of higher privilege than the one we are listening to, advocating on their behalf so that their experience can be better. It could even mean something as simple as being a listening ear for a friend who has had a rough day. I would challenge all of us to do all of those things and more.

Ultimately, listening like this could mean a lot. It could be world changing. World shattering, even. I think it could even solve all the world’s problems… maybe. Combined with a whole lot of Jesus, probably.

But my point is, let’s listen. Every person’s story is important and worth hearing.

And I think we can all agree that we can never get too many stories in our lives.

So, I’ll say it again. Listen. Learn. Be a good human. And hug someone different than you.

Until next time.
Mikayla

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Diversity and Inclusion.

(Picture found on the UTDiversityMatters’s Facebook page)

I’m frustrated. It’s not uncommon for me. You probably know that, but today I found myself so overwhelmed with all of these negative emotions that I couldn’t even form a thought that made sense. So, naturally I’m writing about it to try to form something coherent.

This morning in my Law and Society class we talked about immigrants. Immigrants are people, and that’s all that really matters to me. I don’t care where they’re from, why they needed to leave their country, what they’ve done… All I care about is that they’re people that need help. But we (America) don’t do a good job at helping them. We make citizenship impossible to achieve. We arrest, detain and deport them just for existing. Because somehow it’s possible for a human being who God placed on this planet to be illegal for just breathing. We make it loud and clear that we are exclusive.

It’s like we’re saying “Sorry, we’re known as a melting pot but we actually don’t like anyone who doesn’t look, act or talk like us. Oh, there’s political conflict, natural disasters, war and stagnant economies in your country? Well, that’s just too bad you’ll have to deal with it or find somewhere else to go because I have to eat my post-dinner ice cream, fill up my new car with gas, charge my iPhone and watch my Netflix shows. I don’t have the time, energy or resources to help you.”

Are we really that afraid of people who aren’t like us? Are we so afraid of diversity that we’ll risk their lives? Like our luxuries and  privilege are more important than their lives. They leave their country out of fear. They don’t want to leave their home, everything they know and love, but they have to. They don’t have this big agenda to destroy America. They’re seeking refuge, and they think they can find it here. But they don’t because we don’t give it to them. Because we make them live in fear here too. Instead of being welcoming and kind, loving and caring, we make them continue to live in fear.

That entire conversation in my class this morning reminded me of the current big UT issue, The Office of Diversity and Inclusion. As most of you know, there is a bill trying to defund the office for In God We Trust decals for law enforcement vehicles and minority scholarships. Now, I have a lot to say about what they want the money to go to, but I’m going to skip that to talk about the importance of why we need diversity and inclusion. A more important conversation.

We need diversity because we’re scared of people not like us. Why is that? Because we aren’t exposed to them. Why is that? Because we aren’t inclusive. We kick people out of the country, our bakeries, our churches, you name it because we’re exclusive. Just like segregation. Only whites allowed. Only white, Christian, heterosexual, men allowed. And there’s always stereotypical reasons to allow this discrimination and oppression to happen. All blacks are criminals, all Hispanics are trying to take our jobs (like we have an entitlement to those jobs), all Muslims are terrorists. They don’t seem wrong, though, because some (a tiny minority) have done those things. We have seen them do it. But it is absolutely essential for us to remember that not everyone falls under those categories. This is why categories are so damaging. They lump all people who look the same into one category when maybe that category doesn’t fit them at all.

And I know. Trust me, I remember 9/11. I know that it scares us, it scares me. Some terrible things have happened because of outsiders. And I’ll be honest, I don’t have the magical solution. I don’t know how to keep all “bad” people out and let all “good” people in. It’s hard and complicated and tricky and risky. But all I know is that they’re people even the “bad” ones. They’re people who deserve to be treated like human beings, like a precious life worthy of living.

And I also know that less than 20% of all immigrants commit serious criminal acts. Most immigrants are arrested and deported for minor crimes like a broken tail light or not using a signal light or for simply existing in the wrong place in the wrong body.

Like I said before, I am frustrated because I want everyone on this planet to be recognized as a human. I am so tired of dehumanization, and we do it all the time. Just the other day I was reading an article about Jajuan Latham, the 12 year old who was shot as an innocent bystander by gun violence, and the comments were absolutely disgusting. The racist language being used was so dehumanizing towards all individuals of color. The violence in their words was almost as bad as the crime itself.

Dehumanization is the third step of genocide, and oh goodness are we there. I’m so scared for this nation and our inability to care or maybe our unwillingness to care. We don’t even care about our own citizens, about our neighbors, let alone the rest of the world. We only care about two things: ourselves and profit. Caring about and helping others doesn’t get us there, does it? So we just don’t do it.

I will say this. It’s easier not to care. Sometimes I miss the times when I didn’t. Caring and acting on that care is exhausting. It takes work, but it is so worth it in the end.

We’re all people created by the Creator and deserving of love and kindness because that’s what Jesus mimicked for us on the cross. He loved the unlovable, cared for the ones not cared for, sought out the ones who were ignored. I strive to be more like that every day, and I really hope you do too. We can start right here, right now on UT’s campus, not allowing the legislature to defund the Office of Diversity and Inclusion because diversity matters.

Guns are not more important than people.

I don’t know when precious guns became more important than actually precious human lives, but I don’t like it. I don’t know when my life became more important than a potential robber’s life, but I don’t like that either.

I also don’t like guns. They terrify me. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t love them. It doesn’t mean that you can’t use them or own them. The second amendment is clear that we all have the right to bear arms.

Guns are such an idol, though. Why is your right to bear arms more important than people in poverty or the oppressed? I’m sorry, but I don’t understand why the protection of the second amendment is one of the most fought for issues. Why not the basic rights for those who don’t have any? Food for the hungry? Maybe homes for the homeless? I don’t get it.

And I am absolutely exhausted from hearing about gun violence. Exhausted. And angry. Heartbroken. Confused. Shocked. Dismayed. Depressed.

There’s already been 135 gun deaths in 2016.

Since 2011, there has been a public mass shooting every 64 days.

As President Obama recently pointed out, America is not the only country with violent people, and we are not more prone to violence than other countries. But we are the only advanced country that has mass violence at this scale. And apparently we don’t care. Because when moves are made to try to decrease the violence, we lash out and firmly say no because we’re scared of our precious guns being taken away.

Maybe it’s naivety, but I trust people. I see the good in people. And our President said in his speech that he did not have an agenda to take away your guns, and I believe him.

Gun control is good. Stricter laws on background checks is good. While it will not completely erase gun violence. It will save some lives. And some is better than none.

And “locking away all of the criminals, thugs and bad guys” is not going to more effectively solve the problem than gun control laws.

While I don’t like that mental health care was considered beside gun control like they are one in the same, I am glad that more funding is going to mental health. I find it troubling that the stigma of mental illness is automatically associated with violence, but  many suicides are committed with guns and some gun owners are haunted by mental illnesses that make them violent meaning they probably shouldn’t own guns. Regardless though, mental health is something that desperately needs more attention, and I’m ecstatic that it’s getting some.

Also, guns do need to be safer. Far too many people, children in particular, die from accidental gun injuries. This is a combination of unsafe storage and unsafe manufacturing. Both of which need to be addressed.

And by the way, guns are different than knives. They aren’t comparable. Guns were designed to kill. Knives were not. This is why gun control is significantly more important than something like knife control. People will still die, yes. Maybe from a stab wound. People will still kill. Maybe with a knife. But maybe, just maybe the violence and deaths will decline. And with that slight hope, I say go for it. Change some laws. Make the world a little less violent. A little less heartbreaking.

Because guns are not more important than people.

I don’t completely buy this but let’s say the violence is a people problem. A sin problem perhaps. Maybe we are all just inherently evil. We are violent and want to kill others. So then why won’t we do everything in our power to help limit the violence? Why not make responsible and safe gun laws so that we don’t have easy access to act on that violence? Why not make it easier for us to act on goodness, kindness and love? Because if I had a gun sitting beside me, it would be a whole lot easier for me to act on the anger I have for the person across the room by shooting them than talking it out peacefully. Even though my heart cannot handle violence. Even though I think I’m a pacifist. Even though guns scare the crap out of me.

Many times violence is easier than peace, and we are making it so easy to be violent. We are encouraging violent responses to fear or anger instead of peaceful ones. And I know we can’t fix all of this with gun laws.

Some “good people” do bad things which is why these gun laws won’t prevent all gun violence. Some “bad people” want to own guns for self-defense but would never pick it up to willing kill someone which is why these gun laws may be unfair. They don’t solve everything. But it’s better than nothing. It’s the best thing we’ve got right now.

If you’re against gun control laws, tell me what’s better. Please. I’d really like to know. But don’t tell me in the cruel and condescending way I see in Facebook comments. Like just because someone has a differing opinion they’re an idiot or attacking you. You’re better than that. Tell me how to fix gun violence, gun deaths, without throwing everyone in jail (because I don’t like that) and without gun control laws or taking your guns away (because you don’t like that). What’s in the middle? Let’s work together and figure it out.

In all honesty, though, I would be perfectly satisfied if guns didn’t exist.

And here we are at the end of some word vomit about gun control that might make everyone hate me. I hope you enjoyed.

Here’s the full text of Obama’s speech: https://sojo.net/articles/full-text-president-obamas-emotional-speech-gun-control

Feminism (and a few bonus rants)

Feminism. It’s a scary word for some people… and rightly so I guess. I mean the media depicts feminists as people who are man-hating, bra burners (that happened one time, y’all). But the truth is, that’s not the majority. Just like within any group, the media only shows the small minority of negative and ignores the majority of positive (I could write a whole blog about that). I am a feminist because we need feminism. We need feminism for multiple reasons. Here’s a few.

1. A girl’s favorite color can literally be any color, but boys aren’t allowed to like colors such as pink and purple.
2. Girls are held to higher modesty standards than boys.
3. Women, who have the exact same job and qualifications as men, are paid 78 cents while men make a dollar.
4. African American women make even less at 64 cents to a white man’s dollar.
5. The United States is the only country that doesn’t have paid maternity leave.
6. The United States is also one of three countries that doesn’t have guaranteed paternity leave.
7. There aren’t changing tables in men’s restrooms.
8. Men are expected to hide their feelings and not express them.
9. If a woman is assertive, she’s seen as *insert curse word here*
10. There are more male CEOs with the name John than all women CEOs combined.

And I could go on and on, but I’m not going to because hopefully you get the point. With those ten facts, I’m not even mentioning sexualization, objectification and the problems with the way we handle sexual assaults and rapes. I didn’t mention the fact that I hate shaving my legs with a passion, but I have to because I’m a woman. I didn’t mention a lot of things. All of you should just watch Miss Representation. It’s a great documentary. You should also research stuff about gender inequality and get informed! Being informed is so so so important.

I am well aware that I’ve spent a lot of time writing about feminism and issues surrounding gender inequality. Probably half of my blog posts mention at least a little something about it. I rant about it on a daily basis in various forms and have a group message with a few friends that’s titled “Women’s Rights and Stuff.” But I’m not going to shut up about it because it’s a real problem. A real problem that too many people don’t take seriously. It’s not just a bunch of women trying to overtake the world while walking around shirtless and burning bras (even though that would be cool…). It’s a bunch of women AND men who want gender equality, and that’s not a bad thing. Because men need feminism just as much as women do. It’s something that will benefit every human on the planet (I focused here on the United States, but gender inequality is even worse in other countries around the world and feminism is needed in those countries too). I just wish people would stop thinking of feminism as this terrible word that they can’t associate with. Everyone should want to be a feminist. If you don’t, I don’t hate you. I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t want gender equality.

Next up, a rant about how not all people in America have the money, opportunity and ability to get the education and skill required for a job that’s higher than minimum wage. So, maybe minimum wage should be a livable wage.

I’m also a little heated right now about “Christians” calling others who have different opinions/views/ideas than them extremely mean and hateful names. That’s not Jesus. It’s nowhere close to Jesus. Sigh.