He is Good.

God’s plan is always good. That’s something that I am trying to remember  lately.

Even when,

Christina Grimmie was shot and killed at her concert last night.

There’s going to be a Trump vs. Clinton election this year.

I just turned down the only job offer I’ve gotten.

My pups can sit on command, but they still pee in the house.

There’s way too much poverty, violence, war, oppression and hate in the world.

There are so many “Lord, help me” prayers going on right now.

Really, I don’t understand His plan at all. But I know that it is good because He is good.

He is so, so good.

And maybe we don’t see His goodness in the mundane, horrible and unexpected things.
I know I don’t always.

But we see His goodness in His love, mercy and grace. In His death on the cross to save us from darkness. In His provision. In His blessings. In His creation. In His word. In His people.

And I am thankful for that. Oh so thankful.

It is easy to see His goodness in the good and lovely moments. It isn’t in the not so good moments, but we have to see it in those moments too because His goodness is unchanging. His goodness is always holy no matter what is happening.

Trusting the Lord and His timing and plan is hard and not something I’m good at. I’m not going to pretend that I am sitting here not worried about life. Because I am. But because I know that He is good, I am trying so hard to trust Him.

So trust Him no matter how difficult it is. Trust Him no matter how confused you are. Trust Him even if you think He’s wrong and your plan is better. Trust Him.

This song is always on my heart, but especially today…

“Let the King of my heart
be the mountain where I run
The Fountain I drink from
Oh He is my Song
Let the King of my heart
be the shadow where I hide
the ransom for my life
Oh He is my Song

You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh

Let the King of my heart
be the wind inside my sails
The anchor in the waves
Oh He is my Song
Let the King of my heart
be the fire inside my veins
the echo of my days
Oh He is my Song

You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh
You are good good ohhh

You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let me down”

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! (Psalm 107:1)

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Confidence.

I’ve been thinking about confidence lately.

I really don’t have much confidence at all if I’m being honest.

It’s the ultimate reason for why it’s frustratingly impossible for me to take part in class discussions. It’s why I worry about what I look like. It’s why I trail off on my sentences or take back what I said. It’s the reason I second-guess myself and can’t make decisions. It’s why I get nervous before things like presentations or going somewhere new or talking to someone I don’t know.

It all goes back to confidence.

But in all of that, I’ve realized that not being confident in myself means I’m not confident in God. He made me. He made my passions, my knowledge, my opinions, ideas and thoughts. He made my appearance. He made me exactly how I am for a reason and a purpose. So, I should be confident in that because it’s from Him, and He is perfect. Because He is perfect and knows all things and sees all things, I can be confident in Him and trust Him which means I can be confident and trust myself because He is in me.

I was listening to The Artist by Rend Collective on my car ride home and it says “You make all things bright and beautiful, wild and colorful. You make our lives bright and beautiful, wild and colorful. You are the artist.” It’s so good and so convicting. It’s so easy to love God’s creation and other people because of the beauty in them. (For the most part, anyway.) But I struggle so hard to love myself and find that beauty in me. Why, though?

I’m just as much His creation as everybody else. I’m loved like everyone else. I’m forgiven and given grace and mercy. Jesus died for me too. But I seem to forget that.

I think it’s hard because I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want the attention to be on me because then I’ll look self-absorbed. I want to care about others so badly that I tend to neglect myself. That thought process is almost prideful, though.  It’s almost prideful of me to not be confident in myself. It’s prideful to want to be better or prettier because then I’m hoping to change how God created me. I am perfectly Mikayla, and you are perfectly you. We’re not perfect, but we’re the perfect one of us because we’re the only one of us.

I’ve learned that it’s nearly impossible to love others the way you should if you don’t love yourself like you should.

So here’s my challenge to you and me… embrace yourself. love yourself. be yourself.

Be exactly who God made you to be, and don’t let anyone especially yourself give you a reason not to be confident in that.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  your works are wonderful, I know that full well. -Psalm 139:14

God is cool.

As most of you probably know, I am very indecisive. Like you probably shouldn’t ask me what I want to eat for dinner because I honestly won’t know. I (surprisingly) declared a major that I love SO much, but I’m still not entirely sure what I want to do with that major or what I want to do after I graduate next May. Lately, I’ve been struggling a lot with that decision (because I’m a worry wart), but I’ve learned many things the past few days that have made me less worried about it so I’m going to share some of it with you (mostly for my own benefit but hopefully yours too)!

1. God’s timing is always perfect. Maybe it’s not when I want it, but it’s when He wants it. Honestly, I would have rather come into college with my whole life planned out knowing exactly what I wanted to do, but that’s not what He wanted, and I have to accept that. Lazarus is a perfect example! Mary and Martha sent to Jesus and told Him that their brother was sick, and when Jesus heard, He stayed two days longer where He was before He went to them. Obviously, that’s not what Mary and Martha had in mind. They wanted Him to come heal Lazarus ASAP. When Jesus finally arrived four days after Lazarus died, Martha and Mary told him that He was too late and His response was “If you believe, you will see the glory of God.” Then He raised Lazarus from the dead. All I have to do is believe that God will somehow work out my life the way it’s supposed to, and it will happen. Maybe not the way I expect or when I expect it, but it will all go exactly as He planned it. There’s no surprises for Him!
2. Psalm 139- it’s just what I needed, and it’s cool how God shows me things exactly when I need them. Basically, the Lord knows EVERYTHING about me. While that’s terrifying at times because that means He knows every sin I’ve ever committed, it’s also relieving. Like I said, nothing surprises Him. Everything I do, He knows I’m going to do it before I do it. It also means that He’s always with me. I’m never alone in anything I endure ever. I always have a friend! Then verse 14 reminded me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. How amazing is it that God created me wonderfully. There is no fault in me that He didn’t create wonderfully. I’m imperfect, but He still loves me so much that if it was just me on this Earth, Jesus would have still died for my sins. Wow. That just blows my mind because I truly don’t deserve His love. His grace and mercy is so wonderful!
3. Going along with that He created me for a purpose, and not only that, but He has always known that purpose. Ephesians 2:10 says “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” And Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” I may not know that purpose exactly yet, but He does, and I just have to trust that whenever I need to know it, He’ll show it to me. His plans for me are unknown to everyone except for Him, but I do know that they’re plans for good, and that’s honestly all I need to know. Of course, I would love to know what exactly those plans are, but that’s where the trust and patience come in.
4. Pray, pray and pray some more and then be still and listen. Praying isn’t something I necessarily struggle with but listening definitely is. I have this problem where I worry so much that I just pray continuously over and over for the same thing which I feel like doesn’t accomplish anything. It just proves that I have a trust problem, but I do it because you know Philippians 4: 6 “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” But my prayers are nothing if I don’t stop and listen to what God is saying. Yes, I’m supposed to pray without ceasing, but I’m also supposed to trust God by being still. Sometimes I’m so loud (not out-loud as you all know) that God can’t get a word in. When I’m listening, He’ll show me the answers that I long for.

Ultimately, I need to trust God. I don’t need to worry about my future and decisions because everything will work out! The answers will come eventually. Patience, Mikayla! I need to pray and know that He is good all the time. No matter what happens, He is still good and is worthy to be trusted and praised. Thanks for being cool and putting up with me, God. You’re the only man who seems to be able to (besides my dad).