employed.

“Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” Romans 12:13
I read this verse today and it immediately reminded me of what I get to do for a living. What a blessing it is to help those in need on a daily basis.

I’ve officially been employed for a month, and I’ve got things to say. In case you weren’t aware, I work for a non-profit organization as a case manager. I have a caseload of 50 clients who all have some sort of mental illness.

It’s so strange because it is not at all what I saw myself doing and it’s not at all what is within my comfort zone. But it is so obviously where I’m supposed to be.

I joke that God applied for this position for me because while I applied for multiple positions at my organization, I didn’t apply for this one. My application ended up being transferred to my program where I was then called for an interview and then hired.  After six months of job searching, I wasn’t going to say no to a job that quite literally fell in my lap.

And I’m so glad I said yes.

Because it’s been so good. My co-workers are wonderful. I could brag on them for days. The working environment is fantastic. The hours, the schedule, the actual work I’m doing, heck even the dress code is all great. And I get paid! I’m still trying to get the hang of it all and get settled into a routine, but I think I’m going to like (love) it. I really do. I already do.

But I can’t lie and say that it hasn’t been hard. It’s been exhausting. It’s been anxiety-inducing. It’s been frustrating. And I’ve had plenty of “I have no idea what I’m doing” moments. But I know I’m supposed to be here which makes it easier to push through the difficult moments and to work all the more harder to learn faster and better.

God is so clearly pushing me to become a better me through this job because the majority of my job is doing things that would normally make me extremely uncomfortable.

For example: phone calls. I typically hate those. Even with my friends. But I probably make at least 10-20 phone calls a day.

Walking up to people’s doors. Yeah, that gives me anxiety when it’s my friend’s house. Take it up a notch… now I’m walking up to people’s doors who I’ve never met before in sometimes the sketchiest places in the city.

Driving around town. I don’t like driving when I know where I’m going. I’m so directionally challenged. But here I am driving all around the county to places I didn’t even know existed. Sometimes with other people in my car making my anxiety level even worse.

Treatment Team. Okay first of all, I love treatment team. It is so insanely helpful when you’ve got clients with a whole bunch of question marks beside them. It is a much needed time of problem solving. But y’all know discussion is my worst nightmare. Discussion points on the syllabus was the death of me and my grades in college. It has always been so hard for me to speak up in those types of settings. So naturally it’s still a difficult time.

But God is teaching me that I have to press on. I have to overcome my anxiety, awkwardness and fear. I have to do these things that make me uncomfortable because IT’S MY JOB. I have no choice but to do them. It makes absolutely no sense to me why I got this job. But I know God wants me to learn and grow as a person through it. I know it’s where God planned for me to be. If it wasn’t, every door that opened and every moment that lined up perfectly wouldn’t have happened. So, I’m going to keep working as hard as I possibly can.

I thought I’d hate having a job and being a real adult. I really did. I missed college (and still do) and thought there was no way I could experience something better. But God has proved me wrong. I love working. I love helping people through my work. I love having an outlet to pursue my passions. And I genuinely can’t wait to continue moving forward and pressing on.

Some days I don’t want to go to work. Some days I don’t want to wake up at 6:15. Some days I want to give up. Some days go nothing like I planned them to. Some days I’m so exhausted by the end of the day that all I want to do is go home and get in my bed. But most days, I find something to thank God for and keep pressing on. So, that’s what I’m going to keep doing.

“Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” Hebrews 12:1

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

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God is cool.

As most of you probably know, I am very indecisive. Like you probably shouldn’t ask me what I want to eat for dinner because I honestly won’t know. I (surprisingly) declared a major that I love SO much, but I’m still not entirely sure what I want to do with that major or what I want to do after I graduate next May. Lately, I’ve been struggling a lot with that decision (because I’m a worry wart), but I’ve learned many things the past few days that have made me less worried about it so I’m going to share some of it with you (mostly for my own benefit but hopefully yours too)!

1. God’s timing is always perfect. Maybe it’s not when I want it, but it’s when He wants it. Honestly, I would have rather come into college with my whole life planned out knowing exactly what I wanted to do, but that’s not what He wanted, and I have to accept that. Lazarus is a perfect example! Mary and Martha sent to Jesus and told Him that their brother was sick, and when Jesus heard, He stayed two days longer where He was before He went to them. Obviously, that’s not what Mary and Martha had in mind. They wanted Him to come heal Lazarus ASAP. When Jesus finally arrived four days after Lazarus died, Martha and Mary told him that He was too late and His response was “If you believe, you will see the glory of God.” Then He raised Lazarus from the dead. All I have to do is believe that God will somehow work out my life the way it’s supposed to, and it will happen. Maybe not the way I expect or when I expect it, but it will all go exactly as He planned it. There’s no surprises for Him!
2. Psalm 139- it’s just what I needed, and it’s cool how God shows me things exactly when I need them. Basically, the Lord knows EVERYTHING about me. While that’s terrifying at times because that means He knows every sin I’ve ever committed, it’s also relieving. Like I said, nothing surprises Him. Everything I do, He knows I’m going to do it before I do it. It also means that He’s always with me. I’m never alone in anything I endure ever. I always have a friend! Then verse 14 reminded me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. How amazing is it that God created me wonderfully. There is no fault in me that He didn’t create wonderfully. I’m imperfect, but He still loves me so much that if it was just me on this Earth, Jesus would have still died for my sins. Wow. That just blows my mind because I truly don’t deserve His love. His grace and mercy is so wonderful!
3. Going along with that He created me for a purpose, and not only that, but He has always known that purpose. Ephesians 2:10 says “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” And Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” I may not know that purpose exactly yet, but He does, and I just have to trust that whenever I need to know it, He’ll show it to me. His plans for me are unknown to everyone except for Him, but I do know that they’re plans for good, and that’s honestly all I need to know. Of course, I would love to know what exactly those plans are, but that’s where the trust and patience come in.
4. Pray, pray and pray some more and then be still and listen. Praying isn’t something I necessarily struggle with but listening definitely is. I have this problem where I worry so much that I just pray continuously over and over for the same thing which I feel like doesn’t accomplish anything. It just proves that I have a trust problem, but I do it because you know Philippians 4: 6 “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” But my prayers are nothing if I don’t stop and listen to what God is saying. Yes, I’m supposed to pray without ceasing, but I’m also supposed to trust God by being still. Sometimes I’m so loud (not out-loud as you all know) that God can’t get a word in. When I’m listening, He’ll show me the answers that I long for.

Ultimately, I need to trust God. I don’t need to worry about my future and decisions because everything will work out! The answers will come eventually. Patience, Mikayla! I need to pray and know that He is good all the time. No matter what happens, He is still good and is worthy to be trusted and praised. Thanks for being cool and putting up with me, God. You’re the only man who seems to be able to (besides my dad).