I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me
These words spoke truth into me this morning at church. Don’t you love how God always knows what you need to hear?
I can pretend all I want that this has been an easy August, but the truth is post-college depression is all too real apparently. (I googled it… it’s a common problem)
Instead of focusing on the beautiful, wonderful and amazing things that happen.
I’ve fallen into focusing on the negative.
I’m jobless. Because finding a job is hard and rejection letters just keep on coming.
I’m lonely. Because most of my friends either don’t live here anymore or are still in school.
I’m bored. Because the only thing I have to do is sit at home with my puppies.
I’m pretty sure I’ve gained weight. Because I don’t walk up hills all day anymore.
But you know, the next song we sang at church was Lead Me to the Cross. And it always gets me. Every. Time. Rid me of myself, I belong to You.
If I really did that, got on my knees, laid me down, got rid of myself, the negatives wouldn’t bother me.
Because I wouldn’t believe those lies that I’ve been telling myself.
I’d trust in His plan.
I’d know that I belong to Him.
I wouldn’t define myself by what society calls successful, meaningful and purposeful.
I wouldn’t define myself by how many friends I have.
I’d identify myself by Christ alone.
I’d know that I am never alone.
I’d spend my time more wisely and with Him.
And that’s what I strive for because life is so much better when I don’t let myself get in the way of the joy found in Christ.
I got a postcard in the mail today from a dear friend. On the front was a picture of a piece from the British Museum. It was a chair made out of guns. On the back, she wrote “What man intends for evil, God does for good!”
And I could write an entire post about that in a completely different context, but here I will say… what I see as terrible is good in God’s eyes. This season is good because He is good, not bad because it’s not what my plan was.
After Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery, Joseph found the heart to say “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Genesis 50:20).
That’s amazing. Humanly, he should have been angry. He should have hated his brothers, but instead he realized that God used that season of awful for good. I think that’s exactly what God is teaching me now. It may not be physical harm or violence like Joseph. It’s definitely not the most terrible thing to ever happen. It’s simply a storm that I wish would pass. But I keep reminding myself how truly blessed I am. There’s so much to be thankful for. And this season, will be used for good. It will be used to fulfill His holy plan. It will teach me and grow me and help me trust Him more. I know there is good here because God is here.
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” -Romans 8:28
“Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer.” -Ruth 4:14
My prayer today is… Lord, let me become more aware of your presence. Thank you for never leaving or forsaking me. Thank you for loving me so well. Thank you for grace in my failures. Thank you for your perfect plan. You are so good. You are faithful. And you are sovereign. Help me remember that. Help me love you better. Amen.