New Year, New Me?

I wanted to  make this blog post that you are about to read a Facebook status… until I realized that it was a blog post, not a Facebook status.

Something clicked inside of me around New Years. You can consider these my New Years Resolutions if you want, but I think it was just a coincidence (or perfect timing) that I realized these goals of mine around the start of the new year.

Starting right now, today, in 2014, I want to make some changes in my life. The main change, simply stated, is to be more outgoing. It goes deeper than that, though. I don’t necessarily want to be labeled as “outgoing”… I kind of like being more introverted, but I’m a little too introverted. I want to be more open with people. I want to not only share more personal aspects about me with people, but I also just want to share my thoughts and feelings even if they are surface level. I find myself so often in the midst of a conversation allowing all the people around me to add in their input while I say nothing. I love to listen… but I want to love to talk too. So many people in my life tell me very personal details about their life so openly, and honestly I love listening to them. I love that they confide in me to tell me those things, and I want to confide in other people too. I don’t want it to be hard for me anymore. I don’t want to keep everything to myself. Clearly, I’m not going to feel comfortable telling every single person everything about my life, but I want to physically be able to share what I want to share to the people I want to share it with. I want my friends to know my struggles, my failures, my successes, everything. So, I just need to tell them! Another difficulty of mine is that I have a hard time making decisions, but I don’t even think it’s because I’m indecisive although that could be part of it. I think most of it is that I’m too scared to share my feelings. Even if it’s just picking a restaurant to eat at. I want to express my opinion on the restaurant I think we should eat at deep down because it’s there. My decision is there somewhere. So, I need to do it! I also want to be more intentional with my friends. So often I wait for someone to ask me to hang out or to text me first, and I forget that I have the same ability they do to pursue the friendship. I can text them first. I can ask them if they want to get lunch. And even sometimes, I can invite myself places. If a whole group of people are going somewhere, what is stopping me from asking if I can tag along. Nothing. I would be so much closer to so many people if I would just take the initiative. Take the initiative, Kayla. What are you doing?

The reason I decided to write this all down is to 1) form all my thoughts into something that I can logically strive for and 2) allow the people in my life to know so they can keep me accountable to it. (Plus, the whole idea of this thing is to be more open with people so why not start with this?) It’s going to be hard for me at first. It’s going to take some pushing from the people around me, but I can do it.

Now, the reason this goal is so important to me is because I feel like the way that I hold in everything is directly affecting how I’m witnessing to people. I rarely tell people about Jesus, to be honest, and I even more rarely tell people my testimony. It’s just something I am uncomfortable doing, but I want that to change. I want to first become comfortable being more open with those closest to me so that I can eventually become more comfortable telling others about not only Jesus but how Jesus has changed me. I want people to know about Him! I was just reminded of this song called All the Poor and Powerless by All Sons & Daughters. It says: “Shout it, go on and scream it from the mountains. Go on and tell it to the masses that He is God.” That’s what I want to do. I want to feel 100% comfortable telling ANYONE about God, and that’s my ultimate goal.

So, in 2014, I want to change. I know I can do it. But not by myself… with God, hard-work and some awesome friends… I can do it.

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